Random items found in a memorabilia box from the year of my divorce


Random items found on going through a memorabilia box from the year of my divorce, arranged roughly in chronological order:

  • A browned, typewritten poem I took on my mission. Excerpt: “Help me to live from day to day / In such a self-forgetful way / That even as I kneel to pray / My prayer shall be for others. / Let self be crucified and slain / And buried deep; and all in vain / May efforts be to rise again / Except to live for others.”
  • A quote from me, to Jana, the week after our wedding: “I love you with all of the power that I possess to love–which is still relatively weak, but I love you with everything that I have. We are going to make this work–we’ll devote our lives to the Lord, to each other, and to the family He blesses us with.”
  • A list of things that Jana found endearing about me, addressing me by her pet name for me.
  • A letter from Jana, written when I was unable to go into the Temple because I refused to feign belief, saying that we were meant to be in the temple together, hoping for my return.
  • From our 7th anniversary, a poem from Jana, by James Kavanaugh: “There are Men Too Gentle to Live Among Wolves.” I have little doubt she thinks me one of the wolves, now.
  • A letter of announcing my first short story sale, for $200, to Sunstone magazine.
  • Acceptance letter into Stanford’s graduate program in Religious Studies, which I turned down so that Jana could pursue her PhD at UCI.
  • Handwritten goals from 2008, to finish my Cal State Master’s Thesis, and to “be able to run/walk 5m w/o pain” and to “create a daily fiction writing habit.”
  • A 3×5 notecard with my roles: Mystic. Friend (including family). Writer. Artist. Student. Helper.
  • Moving prep checklist, after my separation from Jana.
  • A train ticket to Lompoc. 23Dec10. The first Christmas after the separation, away from the kids and Tracie. Christie took me in, saved my soul.
  • A picture of Toby Joy as a kitten, and the receipt for her euthanizing.
  • Sleeve for $100 gift card to Bed, Bath and Beyond, from “Many Friends.” This was surprise birthday present two months after my separation, when I felt so isolated and alone.
  • Hades Publishing contract for the sale of “Semele’s Daughter.”
  • A copy of County of Washoe, Nevada, Certificate of Temporary Authority to Solemnize a Marriage. That marriage was Christie and John’s.
  • Supportive cards from Andy, Reg, Wendy, my mom, others.
  • Galen’s wicked Ten of Swords painting for Amanda Palmer’s Tarot.
  • Outlines and notes for two different novels.
  • Note from Tracie, from the Charge of the Goddess: “Keep pure your highest ideal, strive ever toward it. Let nothing stop you nor turn you aside.”
  • Note from Tracie, from Rumi: “Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere, they’re in each other all along.”
  • Poem written by Tracie: “Meditation on the brow of my beloved”
  • Many, many pictures, of the kiddos, of Tracie, of dear friends, of mentors, of me.


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