All right, folks, name that movie:

Dr. Peter Venkmen: “He slimed me.”
Dr. Ray Stanz: “That’s great!”

Following in the tradition of these famous, world-saving researchers, we¹ at Food Nerd Labs(tm) have decided in this first post to explore the use of slime in cuisine with the same enthusiastic dedication. If you don’t want to read all about slime cuisine, feel free to fast forward to the recipe at the end.

While many of you may regard sliminess as something you’d find on that bowl of day old oatmeal, or that you’d prefer to cough up and spit out, in some cultures this texture is sought out. In West Africa, for example, “mucilaginous foods are commonly used to impart a desired slimy consistency to local soups and stews.” Okra came to North America via the slave trade, and it thickens and adds mucilage to the cuisine of the Caribbean and the American South to this day. And my Japanese grandpa thought that there was nothing better than mixing a raw egg into his bowl of steamed rice.

It’s snot what you think! (egg separator courtesy of Hungry Passport)

Because we at Food Nerd Labs are professionals, we decided to eat slimy cuisine FOR SCIENCE.²

Thanks to my Japanese heritage, I grew up scarred by exposed to experiences with two sources of mucilage: natto, and the Japanese mountain yam.

Natto is the pungent result of fermenting soybeans. It’s an acquired taste, and another of my grandpa’s comfort foods. It’s the sort of thing that Japanese men say puts hair on your chest (I know this from experience).⁴ The texture, to me, is akin to eating consistently soybean-sized boogers. It typically comes in a little styrofoam box, with a little package of soy sauce and hot Chinese mustard. The latter can be mixed in with the beans, or can be mercifully applied directly to your taste buds before eating. It is typically served on top of a bowl of steamed rice.⁵ You can find natto in any Japanese market and in many Asian food stores, usually next to the tofu.

This is natto for you.

The mountain yam is another source of slimy goodness. This one I’ve had a better experience with, as an ingredient in okonomiyaki, literally “what you like” (okonomi) + “grilled” (yaki). It’s essentially a savory pancake. When I was a poor young man living in Tokyo, I ate a lot of okonomiyaki, since the two main ingredients are flour and chopped cabbage. It actually tastes pretty good,⁶ especially when the ingredients are expanded to include shrimp, bacon, squid, green onion, strips of pork, cheese, spam⁸, and/or kimchi⁹, and when piled high with special okonomiyaki sauce, mayo, aonori seaweed flakes, bonito flakes, and red pickled ginger on top.

By the way, here’s what the yam looks like on the grater:

looks like?¹⁰

Because I’ve made okonomiyaki many times without the yam, I tried cooking two pancakes FOR SCIENCE, one with grated yam and one without. The one with yam had a little extra savor and depth to it, and maybe mild hint of texture similar to slightly underdone pancake dough (in spite of cooking them pretty thoroughly). The other one didn’t seem to suffer from lack of yam, especially when piled high with toppings.

“SCIENCE IS DELICIOUS”

And because I know you all want to level up your cooking skill, here’s how to make your own yam-free okonomiyaki (the recipe is about the same level as Scorpid Surprise):

To make two okonomiyaki-style pancakes, you need:

Pancake:

• 1 cup flour
• 2/3 cup water or soup stock (preferably dashi, but chicken and vegetable stock also work)
• 2 eggs
• 1 cup chopped cabbage
• Vegetable oil
• Optional: kimchi
• Optional: four strips of bacon.

Toppings (all optional):

• Pickled red ginger
• Mayo.
• Okonomiyaki or tonkatsu sauce. This really is key, and is available in most Asian markets (my American chain supermarket in SoCal carries it). If you have trouble tracking one down, you can search online for “okonomiyaki sauce recipe” to find substitutes.

1. 1. Mix flour and water/stock to make batter. Put in fridge.
2. 2. Drink a beer or two and/or watch an episode of Full Metal Alchemist.
3. 3. Mix cabbage (and kimchi, if using) and eggs into batter.
4. 4. Pour batter into hot, oiled skillet on medium-high heat and scoop half of the batter in.
5. 5. Fry bacon on the side.
6. 6. When the down side of the pancake is cooked (after about 4-8 minutes), put the bacon on the raw side and flip the pancake.
7. 7. Cook for about five more minutes (until the pancake is done).
8. 8. Enjoy while hot!

Okonomiyaki are perfect FOR THE HORDE, ER, FOR SCIENCE because they’re all about experimentation. They’re easy and cheap to make, and you can really play with the ingredients. Plus, you level about one point per pancake, so you can work up to that level 50 gruyere souffle recipe pretty quickly.

If you do try this recipe, let me know in the comments how it goes!

¹ Let us consider this the royal “We.”
² FER BLEARRRGHGAH³ is our motto after we’ve had one too many of Booze Nerd’s cocktails.
³ Google Drunk Translate result: “FOR SCIENCE BITCHES!!! BUT WE MEAN THAT IN A NON-DEMEANING NON-SEXIST WAY”
⁴ That is, the experience of Japanese men telling me this. My chest (and those of many Japanese men) are conclusive evidence that eating natto does not put hair on ones chests.
⁵ Sometimes also served with tears.
⁶ Trust me, I’m a scientist.^7
7 Not really.
⁸ Not kidding.
⁹ Also try: lambs, sloths, carp, anchovies, orangutans, breakfast cereals and fruit bats.
¹⁰ Rhetorical question. Please don’t answer.