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Open Paren, Close Paren. A General Reflection on the Events of the Past Three Months.

Posted by John on December 1st, 2009 at 10:28 pm · 17 Comments

I hope you’ll indulge me for a moment of self-reflection.

It’s been an eventful past three months. On 09/09/09, I was excommunicated, and I still haven’t had a chance to reflect properly on the event and its impact, partly because at the time it (unexpectedly to me) became more of a struggle for Jana than for me, but also because I felt I was too close to analyze it properly. I wrote a retelling of the event within a week. I think I have enough distance to do a clearer analysis, so I’m looking forward to writing one some time this month.

In late September, with Mormonism behind me, I wrote about wanting to take more risks in life. I took this advice to heart, which lead to my:

I promise updates and reflections on WFC, FCNL and NaNoWriMo. They are the three core events in a month-long personal transformation. Each commitment required some risk and sacrifice, but these are forgotten in the new friendships and knowledge I gained and in the reinforcement that my vocation and my calling is to be a writer and an activist. The shared DC experience with my daughter was also priceless, and my local Friends meeting and the friends and family who donated to make it possible have my profound gratitude for this gift.

I hope you’ll forgive me if I sound a little egotistical. I probably am. But before this summer, and maybe even before October, I basically had a whiney approach to life. I complained that circumstance made it impossible for me to fulfill my dreams: to go to grad school properly, to devote time to writing and creative projects, to go on long walking pilgrimages.

I credit much of my change in attitude to my biking. Even though I haven’t been able to walk more than a few blocks for two years now without pain, I discovered that I could bike for miles and miles. I’m now making physical therapy a priority so that I can hopefully walk long distances again. I’m willing to take a year or two to get there. I realize that it may require some serious sacrifice, maybe even pain, to get there. This applies to all of my life goals.

And if I don’t quite make it, I’ll find a workaround.

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17 responses so far ↓

  • 1 GKB // Dec 2, 2009 at 7:13 am

    John:

    Good for you on the biking. Exercise can have a huge impact on one’s outlook on life and self.

    Swimming is another form of working out that is easier on the joints.

    Keep it up!

  • 2 G // Dec 2, 2009 at 7:35 am

    I ♥ self reflection, introspection, creative endeavors. And biking too.

    your goals and accomplishments are highly motivational to me. thank you :)

  • 3 ECS // Dec 2, 2009 at 7:57 am

    Wonderful! So glad to hear you’re happy and healthy.

    Looking forward to reading what you’ve been working on. Keep writing!

  • 4 catBonny // Dec 2, 2009 at 8:29 am

    John,

    It’s so great to hear about all this personal growth in your life. I am so happy that you have gotten to experience all of this fun risks and challenges in the past several months, and that you have come out on the other side of it with a really awesome attitude about taking on more risks in life.

    I feel like I have been a bit whiney of late, and this is great inspiration to try to change my attitude bit, and get back to happy/thankful living. = +

  • 5 Christie // Dec 2, 2009 at 8:48 am

    As someone who only met you after this transformation started, it’s hard to believe that you were ever the person you describe.

    Also I had no idea you had chronic pain, which says something about the grace with which you carry yourself.

    I am proud to know you and count you among my friends. You are an inspiration.

  • 6 David // Dec 2, 2009 at 9:33 am

    Nice inflection period John.

    Isn’t cycling great! I don’t have all that many new, refreshing ideas while cycling (I go into a sort of traffic-aware trance) but I do have a lot of new, refreshing ideas BECAUSE of my cycling.

    And your assessment doesn’t strike me as egotistical. Maybe because I spend so much time in Corplandia. I think it is healthy to honestly reflect on your accomplishments – in a balanced manner, of course. Don’t change the name of the site to “Mind on John’s Awesomeness!”

  • 7 EBrown // Dec 2, 2009 at 10:44 am

    Thank you for letting me get to know you. I rely on you to keep me thinking, stretching, and moving.

  • 8 Rich // Dec 2, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    Still looking forward to a particular e-mail… :)

  • 9 John White // Dec 2, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    I’ve become a big fan of physical therapy over the past three weeks. A good physical therapist can help one increase the quality of one’s life so much…

  • 10 chanson // Dec 2, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    That’s great that you’ve spent some time working out what you want from life. I can relate because I’ve spent this entire past year reflecting on why I’m frustrated about where I’m at in my life, and planning what I really want to do. I’ve got a whole New Year’s post mentally written. ;)

    BTW, I really liked the NaNoWriMo chapters you sent me — and I was sad that I was automatically unsubscribed from your list by failing to “opt in” a second time. (I was busy the day you sent the message culling your list, and then I put off writing back about it.)

    Is it too late to get back in on the manuscript reading?

  • 11 Jana // Dec 2, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    This is such an exciting time to be your partner. :) I can’t wait to see how the next little while goes for you!

    And, as someone who’s had to do a few ‘workarounds’ with my life, I’m right here to help you along with that if/when it happens, too…

  • 12 Deborah // Dec 2, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    Lovely. So glad you’ve found a new groove.

  • 13 Chandelle // Dec 3, 2009 at 9:24 am

    “I complained that circumstance made it impossible for me to fulfill my dreams: to go to grad school properly, to devote time to writing and creative projects, to go on long walking pilgrimages.”

    This reminds me of a Kierkegaard saying that stings me every time I hear it:

    “If one wishes to succeed, the secret of life is to chatter freely about all one wishes to do and how one is always being prevented, and then do nothing.”

    It stings because oh, it’s so true for my life.

    I am constantly inspired by the way you actually DO the things you say you want to do. You actually devote yourself to the things and people you care about. That’s what I want for my life, too, and I’m getting there, a bit. Attending that Quaker meeting was a big leap of faith (HA!) for me, but I did it because of your example, and Jana’s. I’m committed to pushing through the pain and becoming active because of all the people in my life who are making that same commitment who live with their own pain. It’s time to stop believing that mine cuts deeper.

    It’s wonderful to see this post.

  • 14 G // Dec 3, 2009 at 9:49 am

    dude, chandelle, I’m writing that quote on my wall. thanks.

  • 15 John // Dec 3, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    You all are too kind. And I like to see this inspiring as a cyclical, or pay it forward kinda thing. Most of you have been (or continue to be) inspirations to me at one time or another. Thank you.

    Chanson and Rich, I will email you my pile o schlock tomorrow. :)

    Chandelle, even if you don’t see yourself in this way, I totally see you as a doer. You more than just about anyone else I know (well, maybe Jana) live an intentional life. That takes a lot of doing.

  • 16 John // Dec 3, 2009 at 9:46 pm

    David, I promise not to change the name!

    CatBonny, if I were going through some of your recent trials, I *would* be complaining. You’ve had some rough ones. Hang in there, my friend.

    Christie, I don’t think I deserve any of what you said, but thank you. It means much coming from a fellow tribe-mate.

  • 17 wren // Dec 8, 2009 at 9:24 am

    John, I’m really happy for the things you have achieved and will achieve. You’ve been on quite a journey.

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