Many years later, now living in Washington with my wife and high-school age daughter, I was driving to my office when I heard of the attacks. When I got to a television I saw the carnage.

The famous Time magazine photo of the second strike has my old window vanishing into the fireball on the right side of the picture. I like to believe I would have been smart enough to flee the building in time. But I know I would have been still sitting there at my desk in utter horror that morning as the first plane slahed into Tower 1 right in front of me. And I, not some other victim, would have been engulfed in the fireball of the second attack.

I admit to have been afraid in the Tower. I don’t like heights, and on many days, the 90th floor was at cloud level. In a complex that large, fire alarms are frequent occurences; two or three times a week you’d see the fire trucks scramble below. You never knew what was going on, so there were times I found myself wondering about what it would be like to be trapped there. Not a pleasant thought.

The windows in the Trade Center were inset from the floors so that there was about 12 to 18 inches of open space between the edge of the floor and the glass. As much as my mind told me there was solid concrete a few inches below the floorboard, in the two or so years I worked in that office, I could never work up the courage to go to the edge of the floor and look down to see. So I’ve been afraid in the tower.

But on 9/11, there was so fear. No rage. No desire for revenge. There was empathy for the victims, and sorrow dor what was coming — and the many more victims there were going to be because we hadn’t been smart enough or caring enough, or just plain good enough to save a world without violence.

But there were no thoughts on my part that denying that there was something real to fear would keep the terrorists from “winning”. Terrorism isn’t about how the victims feel; it is about how the terrorists get to feel. They can feel the same way whether they scare you or simply kill you.

I appreciate the value that people bring in keeping us from descending into rage and hate. But when you weep over your enemies, but still know it has to be done…

We look at large events like 9/11 and talk easily about fear: who has it; who caused it; who transcends it. But how often do we think about it in our daily lives? And the truth is, catastrophic events come along 3, maybe 5 times in a whole lifetime but the ways we capitulate to it in our daily lives really limit what our lives ever become.

It’s just so easy to rationalize and evade the issues of our lives. We do it before we even realize we have. And there are so many people and forces who are ready to capitalize on it. For example, the whole basis of advertising is creating dysphoria and supplying the product to relieve it: have you got BO? No one will tell you. They’ll just reject you. Better buy Product X! Already got health insurance? Obama will give yours to some illegal alien. Stop him before the country’s socialist!

When we’re willing to face fear and act with integrity despite it, we’re freer people. That’s what the first responders did on 9/ll. That’s what John’s been doing. That’s what we all need to do in things big and things small. We just have to learn how to face the fear before the rationalization machine goes into operation.

John, thanks for clarifying! In the past when I’ve seen similar statements it’s usually part of an effort to villify opposing viewpoints and/or those who hold them. Obvously in stark contrast to the rest of your comments in that light! It’s good to see that’s not what you meant!

BTW, congrats on being exed. I was exed in 1990 at 18 (got my GF — now wife — pregnant), and I still view it as the single most positive point of change in my life.

That said, conservative radio and TV talk show hosts are just especially good at it these days.

The events and what happened after have continually challenged my own ideas about courage and fear and I find those ideas still evolving. This post, particularly in the context of your experience with the court of love, is an affirmation of what I believe and try to live (always imperfectly): courage is most achievable when it is inspired by the pursuit of truth.

“terrorists… bombastic ones on talk radio”

I guess all that talk about rising above the hate and fear was just that… talk. I’m no fan of those bombastic radio hosts either, but I think one of the most destructive forces in our society is the need to castigate others merely for holding a viewpoint that doesn’t agree with our own. Even to the point of equating them the terrorists who proudly killed 3000 innocent men, women and children.

Have we completely lost the ability to TOLERATE our differences, unless those differences involve skin color or sexual practice?