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My Current Ritual (or addiction)

Posted by xJane on July 28th, 2009 at 3:42 am · 12 Comments

I am a smoker. I like to say that I’m a “social smoker”, because that makes it sound more acceptable (at least, to my ears), but that’s probably a fiction us social smokers invented. I started smoking in high school, because everyone else was doing it and because the cigarettes that I smoked (not tabacco, but cloves) made my lips taste fun. My classmates and I would hang out at our favorite local pub, drinking and smoking, talking, laughing, and doing what one does at pubs. My best friend and I would split a pack: she would buy it this time and I would buy it next time. I don’t really remember how quickly we went through the packs, but since each pack was often in the custody of the other, we only smoked when we were together. I don’t remember ever really wanting to have a cigarette unless we were drinking or about to drink.

When I moved to the United States, I discovered that drinking and smoking did not go together; at least not indoors. So I stopped. DH and I bought a case of my favorite clove cigarettes and, over the last five or so years, have smoked about half of it (6 packs?). I’m upfront about my smoking (and its frequency) with doctors, who often lecture me about how bad it is and try to convince me to stop. But I figure, I don’t smoke that often, so it’s probably not that bad.

Then I moved back to Germany. In the intervening 10 years, Germany has outlawed smoking in restaurants and bars, but smoking is still something that everyone does. So I started smoking again. I share my cigarettes with people, so not all of the packs are smoked by me, but I’m up to about a pack a week. And, I’ve discovered, I see it as a relaxing activity. I know, biologically speaking, that nicoteine does the opposite of relax one, but at the end of a long day at work, after a particularly hard class, or just when hanging out at a biergarten, I find that I like having a cigarette to relax with.

I think I have decided that it is the ritual of it that is so attractive. The comaraderie of smokers outside a bar, the choosing of the right cigarette, the lighting (or the asking for “a fire”), and the first drag all have more significance to me than the simple actions of an addict. Or maybe I’m just rationalizing some more…

Tags: Ritual

12 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Craig // Jul 28, 2009 at 12:36 pm

    Well I’ve never smoked a cigarette, but I do smoke pot once in a while, and at a party a couple weeks ago, I tried cigars for the first time (they were fabulous 16-year aged ones) and they tasted delicious.

    Besides the physical side-effects I find pleasing from pot and even cigars, I think I also really like the ritual aspect of it – just like you. I only smoke pot when I’m with friends, and you pass the pipe (or bong) around to everyone else, so it has a very communal feeling to it that I enjoy being a part of. You feel very included in the group when you’re sharing in an activity (especially a illicit one where there’s a slight thrill) – and that’s a feeling I don’t really experience often as I’m often nervous and anxious in social settings.

    Anyways, I think there’s a lot to your liking the ritual of smoking with people – though not ever having ingested nicotine, I can’t say whether that’s the addict talking ;)

  • 2 Chandelle // Jul 29, 2009 at 7:54 am

    My dad had a heart attack at 45 largely because of smoking, so I can’t say I have fond feelings for the stuff. But I do understand what you mean about the ritual of it, because I have the same feeling about coffee. I have to be very careful with my intake of coffee because I quickly become dependent on it. And I know it’s not the healthiest thing I could be drinking. But I can’t imagine giving it up altogether because I love the ritual of grinding coffee, putting it in the carafe, heating the water, stirring it together, pressing the plunger, pouring the coffee, flavoring it, and drinking it on the front porch. I might only have a cup, a few times a week, but the pleasure of the ritual precludes me from giving it up altogether. It also makes it easy for me to avoid drinking coffee at restaurants or even at coffeehouses, because the ritual is probably 90% of why I drink it.

    Like Craig, I also thought of the ritual of passing the pipe. I smoke on my own for pain relief, and I prefer to vaporize in the hope that I’m avoiding some of the more toxic compounds in cannabis. I never smoke recreationally on my own. But when I’m with friends, I’ll accept the pipe when it comes my way just because I appreciate that feeling of comeraderie and voiceless communication. Interestingly, I can’t say that I would accept a cigarrette passed to me. I’m not sure what makes it different.

    I absolutely hate cigarrette smoke, and I’m one of those people who give smokers nasty looks when they light up in public places (such as train stops, where they’re supposed to be 20 feet from the platform). But I did smoke clove cigarrettes from time to time as an adolescent and I do remember the fantastic taste. I admit that I might be tempted to take a drag if one passed my way, no ritual required.

  • 3 Chandelle // Jul 29, 2009 at 7:57 am

    I spelled “cigarette” incorrectly many times in the above comment. :::blush:::

  • 4 Physiology PhD Mama // Jul 29, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    I suggest you try drinking a glass of cold water with lemon and going for a walk (alone or with a friend) instead – you may find you get the same relaxation (or better) without the health risk…

  • 5 catbonny // Jul 30, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    I have been smoking for like 10 years now on and off- much of the time was off, but it is definitely something that I associate with my friends. My best friends smoke and when we are together its one of our activities. I think about hanging out with one of them and I just know that when we get together it is one of the things that we will do- sit on my porch and smoke. During some of the times when I have quit, these times have been when I usually relapsed.

    Recently I have been living in Spain for a few weeks, and I am amazed by how socially acceptable it is here… most restaraunts permit it, although a new wave of restrictions have made it unaccpetable in certain restaraunts. One of my professors here complains excessively about it, and I find it really frustrating, because even as I smoker I kind of find smoking in doors to be a really dirty thing, but when I am here I just accept it as part of the culture or practice. Last night we went to a large karaoke bar with high ceilings, and not many people were smoking in comparision to some places I have been in, but the teacher still insisted that he was feeling sick because of it. I always want to be sensitive to people’s sensitivities about smoking on one hand, but on the other hand I want to tell this guy to get a clue and realize we are in Barcelona and he needs to suck it up…

    But now I am just going on. I don’t know if the ritual comparision is a justification- I really like idea of associating it with friends and hanging out and relaxing after a long boring lecture. and while in Barcelona I am loving walking up to people and saying “Tienes fuego?” Next time we are at a get together I will know this about you, and I might ask you to join for a smoke outside. = )

  • 6 Elaine // Jul 31, 2009 at 8:13 am

    I never really got the attraction of smoking – and that goes back to before I ever thought about being Mormon, so it isn’t the WoW aspect that puts me off.

    I’ve never really tried cigarettes (well, once, but like Clinton and pot, I didn’t inhale and I was only doing it for the effect, not because I really wanted to smoke). I did inhale the few times I tried pot, but I didn’t like it at all. Tasted nasty, and made me feel hungry and stupid and a little bit paranoid…so after those three or four times, I just didn’t do it anymore.

  • 7 JohnW // Jul 31, 2009 at 10:27 am

    My father smoked when I was a kid and I HATED it. I always associated it was holes burned in tablecloths, dirty ashtrays, and … yuckiness. Pops was an addict.

    My mother described her infrequent smoking in situations much like xJane and catbonny: strong associations with ritual and friends.

    Since southern California is such a rabidly anti-smoking zone, I’ve become more sensitive to it. In a recent trip to Galveston, TX with swing dancers, we did some dancing in a bar. But in Galveston, you can smoke in a bar. There wasn’t much of it going on, but it hit my non-smoking friends and I pretty hard. Even the smell of stale smoke in the carpets and upholstered furniture was hard to deal with.

    I only stayed an hour or so but my clothes stank of stale smoke, an effect I had _completely_ forgotten about. Thankfully, an overnight airing out seemed to fix that so I didn’t have to pack up the stink with my other clothes.

    Wow, that sounds really judgmental, but it’s literally to the smell, not the people. I couldn’t deal with it that long. I’m with your professor on this one catbonny.

  • 8 Jana // Jul 31, 2009 at 6:33 pm

    I’ve never smoked, but I dated a few folks who did and so I’ve always associated the smell of cigarette smoke with the endorphin rush I felt when I was rather twitterpated. So I like the wafting of smoke I occasionally smell from friends or from cars at stoplights or from the folks who’re keeping their dutiful 20 ft. :)

    But I won’t take up the habit myself–for many reasons.

  • 9 G // Aug 1, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    have you read “When you are engulfed in Flames” by David Sedaris? He writes a hilarious essay about smoking, this reminded me quite a bit of it.

    last year I shared a pack with a friend. She was angry at her husband and I was along for the ride to be with her while she cooled off. (the evening included getting pretty drunk and spending the night in the car and NOT getting a very good night’s sleep.)

    while I’ll like to try clove cigarettes, smoking will never be my thing. Lke chandelle, a cup of coffee has become a bit of that for me (like her I am also afraid to become addicted and so I drink about one cup a week. usually on sundays.)

    I’m also interested in trying a cigar (craig, that sounded yummy!) or canabis, but mostly just for experimentation. I don’t want to have to many rituals that involve mood/state-of-mind altering substances.

  • 10 G // Aug 1, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    [Lke chandelle, a cup of coffee has become a bit of that for me" .... "that" being my ritual]

  • 11 Elise // Aug 7, 2009 at 10:29 pm

    LOL Jana – maybe you could get a cigarette-scented candle for the bedroom or something? ;-)

    xJane, despite the changed laws in Germany, do you get the feeling that the general public views smoking as dangerous/unhealthy and chooses to do it anyway? Or are they just oblivious to the effects (either intentionally oblivious or not?)

  • 12 Craig // Aug 8, 2009 at 12:28 am

    So I tried my first cigarette tonight. My friend who “only smokes when he’s really drunk” decided he wanted a cigarette, and I decided it was time to try it. While I was smoking with him I kinda liked it – I think because it was a shared experience, but afterwards my mouth tasted gross, and even whilst doing it I didn’t really enjoy the flavour.

    That was my experience.

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