Like many of you, I sometimes wonder what Genghis Khan would’ve thought of Twitter. At first I thought, he’d hate it, because it would be an early warning system. If you were a shepherd and saw the Mongols descending, you’d quickly tweet it before you were run down and disemboweled (the killer would probably use your iPhone to post your head to twitpic), and then all your friends and family could go into panicky FaceBook and Twitter panic/denial mode, rapid-firing updates with #mongolhorde #PWNedByKhan hashtags.
The problem is, the Mongols were not only vicious, they were no luddites (anachronistic, I know, but that’s the point). They’d probably use social media to track troop movements (KievSteve: “So cold waiting in this mountain pass, no vodka, wtf? Where the mongosl?”) or to sow discord by posting false messages (“Chingiss lannding @ Cantebury, Lorde save us!” and “IM IN UR CAATHEDRAL BUTTSECKS UR POPE). Mostly I think they’d use it to engage in rapine and plunder more effectively, and to communicate with fans and friends back near the Great Wall. “Moscow coagulated horse blood low on iron after taste, only 2 stars on Yelp” or “RT @TheRealGenghis Sinew on beta version of Nerchinsk arrows in humidity: FAIL. (plz bring fletchers’ balls)”
Next tweet post?: “NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!”