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On Diphtheria and God-sized Joints.

Posted by John on January 13th, 2009 at 9:00 pm · 9 Comments

Over dinner, Jana likes to regale us with stories of infectious diseases (luckily this hasn’t included dysentery–yet). Lately, this has included detailed descriptions of death by diphtheria. Most of the fatalities caused by this disease were children and the elderly, and the bacillus killed by slowly secreting a leathery membrane that grew until it blocked the air passages, gradually choking its victims. Even in the early 20th century, tens of thousands of children died excruciating deaths each year, often perishing with their siblings, while their parents watched helplessly. The disease is mostly eradicated in this country because it’s the ‘D’ in the DTP shots kids get before enrolling in public schools.

This opens the sluices to a couple of channels of thought:

1) I’m pissed off at parents who choose to refrain from giving their kids DPT shots. They have the right, but it’s a decision that may impact a much wider sphere than their own family. GameBoy was hospitalized with pertussis when he was just a couple of weeks old because he was infected by someone who wasn’t immunized.

2) So, if God created life and all of its forms, then he specifically designed the diphtheria bacillus (and many worse). I have a hard time imagining a compassionate God drawing up the blueprints for this life form, but maybe that’s just because Satan stuck his pitchfork in my brain and spun it around a few times. It could mean that God is a sadist, or that we live in a world in which life mutates and adapts to its environment. But I prefer to think that God just fucked up:

JESUS: Hey Dad, you know how on the Day #6, you created man and wart hogs and slugs and all the creepy-crawly things?

GOD: This is about the Platypus again, isn’t it?

JESUS: That Diphtheria thing, it’s killing babies and old folks. Even for you, Dad, that’s pretty fucked up.

GOD: Diph-what?

JESUS: Dad, just Godgle it. See, it says right here, you created it right after the Platypus and just before Michael Jackson.

GOD: I knew it! This is all about the Platypus!

JESUS: What were you smoking, Dad?

GOD: I didn’t even make the herbs of the field until…

JESUS (interrupting): The fifth day.

GOD: Right. I made that, and I saw it was good.

JESUS: …

GOD: Damn good, in fact. [To hovering cherubim] Go fetch me a toke the size of a redwood. And, uh, one of those flaming swords.

JESUS: [sighs and shakes head]

I have a bit more compassion for the “I royally screwed up (and I’m going to drown my woes) God” than “This is all part of my sadistic plans God” that creationists seem to worship. If you’re up there, cheers. Hope you can live with yourself.

Tags: Uncategorized

9 responses so far ↓

  • 1 angryyoungwoman // Jan 13, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    My sister and a lot of her friends are part of that weird group that won’t immunize their kids. Part of it is because my nephew reacted badly to his first immunization shots, but I think more of it is about her very right-wing back-to-nature refusal of modern medicine. It’s not something I understand.

  • 2 Cobwebs // Jan 14, 2009 at 6:20 am

    I like the idea of an omniscient search engine called Godgle.

    I’m fairly hard-line against the anti-vaccination crowd. They’re not only endangering their own children, they’re endangering kids who have compromised immune systems or some other reason why a vaccine didn’t “take.” I think it borders on child abuse, and think that at minimum unvaccinated kids should be completely barred from attending public schools.

  • 3 jana // Jan 14, 2009 at 7:46 am

    There are good reasons for some people to not have immunizations–esp for those who have compromised immunity already or who have specific health conditions. But I do get sad and angry sometimes when I realize what the potential social impact is for those who elect not to have them–especially when I think about having nearly lost our son to a completely preventable disease.

    I should add my encouragement that each of you readers out there get a DTP booster shot the next time you find yourself at the doctor. Those vaccinations wear off in your adult years and speaking from experience, I can tell you that pertussis is not fun when you’re an adult–even if it’s not likely to be as life threatening as it is for young’uns.

  • 4 Kathy Quick // Jan 14, 2009 at 11:14 am

    you do know that our (F)riend Jim Goddard was a major mover and shaker behind immunizations, right? He worked on diptheria but considers his push to eradicate measles, early on in his career as the youngest (at that time) ever person to be appointed head of the CDC, one of his proudest accomplishments, and I’m inclined to agree with him.

  • 5 Kathy Quick // Jan 14, 2009 at 11:15 am

    Check out chapter 12 of http://books.google.com/books?id=fG2six8fcE0C

  • 6 John // Jan 14, 2009 at 11:22 am

    Kathy, I love this:

    “James Goddard, never timid, announced the eradication of measles as an attainable goal at the immunization conference in New Orleans in the spring of 1965.”

  • 7 EBrown // Jan 15, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    People who refuse to immunize their children just rely on the parents who do immunize their children to prevent epidemics.

  • 8 Chandelle // Jan 28, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    I have not vaccinated my kids. I’m the lone devil here, I guess. It’s not something I argue about or even mention most of the time. I’m not inherently opposed to vaccinations or anti-medicine. I have my reasons for abstaining and I respect other parents’ right to choose either way.

  • 9 xJane // Jan 29, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    somehow, I managed to miss this post the first time around, but I’m going to chime in with Chandelle—I have many sisters who don’t immunize (and one who does whose child is autistic—I don’t know her views on the correlation, but I know some of those who don’t think that his situation is a reason not to). For myself, I’ve grown a healthy (unhealthy?) disrespect for the medical establishment and would have to think long and hard before making a decision about vaccinating my children. It’s one thing to endanger yourself, another to endanger society, and another to endanger your children.

    For myself, I’m in the “cancer-causing solutions to cancer probably isn’t a good idea” crowd (a topic I know is near to the hearts of many MoFers, so i usually keep that opinion to myself. And ultimately, I think that one’s health care is in one’s own hands—doctors are there to advise you with their expert opinion.

    That said, I stepped on a nail recently and, as soon as I realized what happened (which took some time, DH thought I’d be mad at him if I found out), I immediately demanded to be taken to the ER for a tetanus shot…

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