How what we say helps us understand the deeper cultural associations as well as reinforce them.
Spark is a category for sharing links. No intense commentary, just a link & a brief reason you might want to click on it. Something to Spark your Mind to Flame, if you will.
5 responses so far ↓
1 Elaine // May 8, 2008 at 10:48 am
Thanks for the link, xJane.
Although…I feel intensely sad after reading it. I’m going to have to think about it some more, but I think the feeling comes from the way it brings home the fact that women are a) still treated as nothing more than property in many areas of the world (including here in the States, sometimes) and are b) defined by our sexuality in ways that men almost never are, even here, even now.
It just isn’t fair.
2 wren // May 9, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Hmm. I got hung up on that author’s narrow definition of “lost”.
“…losing is never something we do purposely in any other given situation…”
Really? I purposefully have lost weight. I lost my faith through careful contemplation.
3 Lessie // May 10, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Well, her style certainly leaves something to be desired, and as Wren pointed out, she works from a couple of assumptions that I don’t necessarily accept. That said, I think it is important that we change the way we look at our “virginity” (this coming from celibate until married me). For example, my sis (who would kill me if she knew I was writing this) went to a gynecologist who told her that her first sexual experience will likely be pretty painful. I suggested that she have her hymen surgically ruptured and then she wouldn’t have to worry about it ( and could drug up on pain killers as well–which is always fun for a trip). Anyway, she said she wanted to talk to whoever her future hubby ended up being–as if it’s any of his damn business. Seriously, the attitudes we’re still perpetuating about sexuality are freaky. And it seems like we’re a long way from un-freaking them.
4 xJane // May 12, 2008 at 9:03 am
I just have to interject that, when my husband & I started having sex, I was terrified that it would be a horrible experience (having been told that by society, my doctors, &c.). So I enlisted his help. Not because he was the man & I was the lowly woman, but because he was my partner…and because I trusted him. My first experience (and all subsequent) with him was awesome! And far from painful. So while I agree to some extent what you mean when you say it’s none of his business, at the same time, it is. He should not be dictating, but he gets a say (if not a vote).
5 Lessie // May 12, 2008 at 12:58 pm
The only thing that worries me is that my sister won’t be talking about this to any male. That’s too much “temptation”. Otherwise, I think what you did with your hubby is great. It’s just that we weren’t taught to do things like that.
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