Anyone notice, as PZMyers pointed out recently, that everything with the word “Family” in it is bad? Or at least a synonym for “traditional”. It drives me crazy because family is such a great concept: whether I’m talking about my family, that lives under my roof, and consists of my husband, two cats, and innumerable unnamed organisms in our fridge; or my extended family, which includes my parents, their parents, and innumerable aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters, nieces, nephews, brothers-in-law, pets, and unnamed organisms in utero. No one ever wants to say they’re anti-family, because it truly is the basic unit of society (however a society may define it). But people who claim the word “family” as their own want to exclude (a) me until I start popping babies, (b) anyone with children & no martial partner, or (c) anyone in a solid relationship with someone they don’t agree with.
I think that is sick, twisted, and unconscionable. Where do these people get off?!
Although Dick Cheney seems to be pretty okay with his daughter, and I give him props for that, but others in similar positions are not so understanding. Sally Kern, a Republican Congresswoman who made the rounds on the internet last week because she called homosexuality “the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam”, has a familymember who is gay [hat tip]. If you ask me, she needs a lesson in what it is to love your family.
I know that’s only the one example, but there have been many more, some in the news recently, some longer ago. And, I’ll throw out there that most of my family disowned me for the duration that I lived with my husband (before we were married). This seems to be a pattern for people who claim the word “family”: it’s a very narrow definition.
7 responses so far ↓
1 Raquel // Mar 19, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Hi XJane,
A bit of a leap…
“Family” now refers to “children”. As in this is a “family event”. But what is really meant is that “this is kid-centric” and not for adults at all.
Thought i’d mention another way that the definition of family is excluding those families who have no children.
2 Mark // Mar 19, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Interesting and true take on the use of the word family. Family should be the same as unconditional love.
3 xJane // Mar 19, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Totally with you, Raquel: “family event” is not for the whole family, but for the younger part of it. And I’ve nothing against those who have children, but I probably would not attend (just by myself or even just with my husband) such an event without a “family” coming along: my sisters & their kids, or a friend-with-kids. I remember distinctly when “family event” stopped including me. It was just after high school…although, and this is TANGENT WARNING, my high school was K-12, so our events really were “family friendly” in a way that (to my mind) included the whole range of families. There were things to do for just about every age level (up to HS). I don’t know if that’s how it is here, but I get the feeling that it’s not. [/tangent]
I wanted to include a link to this story in my post, but couldn’t quite fit it in: Horton Hears a Wingnut over at AlterNet about the attempt by the pro-life lobby to appropriate Horton Hears a Who, the book and the movie, since “a person’s a person no matter how small” even when you’d be thought of as crazy for naming that person. And against the wishes/objections of both Dr. Seuss & his estate.
4 Ice Cream // Mar 19, 2008 at 3:20 pm
I was talking with a good friend once and she was telling me about some friends from her past that she couldn’t forgive. She said she had trusted them and they had let her down and never apologized. She was hurt because she had thought of them as family (she never had any family of her own).
I couldn’t help but laugh and tell her that they hadn’t done anything unfamily like, but that she had. I told her that in my large family people are constantly being “let down” and hurt but that we have to forgive each other because we are family. In the end her lack of forgiveness and understanding was the most un-family act of the two. She took the words to heart and apologized and they are all friends again.
Family means having to get over it and get along because you know you will all have to sit with each other next Thanksgiving =)
(This is my silly and very over simplified definition anyway and has nothing to do with abuse situations)
5 Jonathan Blake // Mar 19, 2008 at 3:33 pm
People have been appropriating words and symbols forever. Think about the connection between homosexuality and the word “gay” and the rainbow symbol.
6 xJane // Mar 21, 2008 at 6:48 am
You’re absolutely correct, Jonathan, but it still annoys me in this instance.
7 Jonathan Blake // Mar 21, 2008 at 7:03 am
I agree that it’s annoying. We just need to be better at appropriating language than our opponents.
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