I think that the discussion over at Isaac’s post deserves another forum. I’m very interested in y’all’s experiences (hat-tip to my Southern linguistic roots) experiences with baptism. When you were welcomed into your (current or any number of former) church, what was the ritual of welcoming? What did you think about it? Did you stand in a circle, “Hi, my name is xJane & I’m an atheist” and get acknowledged by the group, “Hi, xJane!”? Did you merely wander in one day & never leave?
Isaac asked about Baptism & Confirmation and he’s right, Catholics believe in early infant baptism, where the parents & godparents answer on behalf of the child. The questions are fairly general & probably none that I would really disagree with (Do you reject Satan, you accept Jesus) except in a general I-don’t-believe-in-God,-thank-you kind of way. Now, Horia might disagree with me on this, but none of this is especially damaging in itself. I know a lot of children who get baptized and go on to live normal (atheist) lives. I just don’t know any in my immediate family.
When I got confirmed, I didn’t honestly feel like I had any more choice in the matter than I had at my baptism. I’d managed to avoid it successfully for a while (it was part of the high school curriculum where my sisters all went, how creepy is that?!), but when it came down to it, it felt like acceptance into the (very small) community at the Church we attended. There were maybe 25 regulars at this church, which had changed very little over the years since I was baptized. I chose a sponsor, who I believed lived the kind of religious life I looked forward to at that point in my life: went to church on Sundays with his wife, but didn’t really think about god at any other time. That was the closest to atheist I thought I would ever be. And then I got asked the same questions and felt guilty for answering them all “yes” (the great thing about these rites is you can do them in your sleep). I don’t remember getting punched, although my mother prepared me for the eventuality.
And that was it. I was confirmed. Years later, when I told my parents & sisters that I was no longer Catholic, this was brought up: but you got confirmed! And that’s when they told me that one of my sisters, in her confirmation class was told, “If this is something you think your parents are making you do, or if you’re only doing this out of a sense of obligation, don’t do it.” She got up & left. Years later, when she wanted to be married in the church, she had to get confirmed & her sponsor was her husband. But at that time, it was something she wanted for herself (or, maybe still for her parents: to be married in the church, I guess I don’t know), an adult choice made without pressure.
Her oldest daughter is my goddaughter. And of all the nieces & nephews I have, I’m glad it’s one of hers. I don’t care if my goddaughter grows up religious or atheist, so long as she’s happy and unmilitant. The only value I’d like to instill in her is that of live-and-let-live. With perhaps a side note of to-thine-own-self-be-true.
My mother-in-law has a goddaughter, which cracks me up because she and the parents are all atheist/Buddhist/feminist. They had some kind of a baptismal rite for her that welcomed her into the community, acknowledged her presence on the earth, and named her as family. They had a menarch ceremony for her where her position was reiterated, although I don’t know what kind of choice she had about that. I don’t know if they have planned for her any kind of confirmation, but these rites acknowledge the fundamental use of baptism: to welcome new members into the community.
I’m interested in what kinds of welcoming ceremonies took place in your respective faiths & former faiths. If you converted to a religion, what kind of baptism did you undergo? If you were born into it, what kind of baptism? And what, do you think, we can do as atheists to acknowledge new members, be they converts or infants?
