All right, I’m usually one of those cynical bastards who bemoans the commercial underpinnings of Valentine’s Day–created by candymakers and gift card companies, blah blah blah humbug blah. I include this qualification because I don’t want my second romantic post in two days to completely obliterate my gruff, sardonic reputation. I’m a mean angry atheist, remember? No mushy softies here!

That said, even angry atheists must set aside their necessary and time-consuming exertions at contemptuous mockery for teh lovings. And maybe it’s not so bad to have one day a year to highlight romantic love. So here’s my Valentine’s Gift to the readers of Mind on Fire:

I hope you took notes. Who knew that there were so many ways to kiss? And one hint: if you expand the “About This Video” box on the YouTube page, it lists the source movies and actors.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled, baby-devouring, skepticism. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Note: Someone needs to create one or more gay versions of this video. Everyone deserves teh lovings.