Two John clones, Boss Me and Slave Boy, materialize in a great and spacious waiting room in John’s subconscious.

Boss Me: Front and center, Slave Boy, it’s time for our monthly review of your 2008 goals.

Slave Boy: “Slave Boy?” Really, who comes up with these names? Do I have an outfit that goes with “Slave Boy?”

Boss Me: Listen, I don’t like John’s bursts of creativity any more than you do. Let’s get this over with.

Slave Boy: Maybe I can photoshop a Slave Boy outfit.

Boss Me: Ignores Slave Boy’s comment. All right, number one: your goal for 2008 is to run 1000 miles. You said you’d shoot for 70 miles in January. How’s that going?

Slave Boy: I hit 70 miles exactly on Tuesday. Say, didn’t the Greeks run naked?

Boss Me: That’s a lot of flying…parts…movingrightalong! Wait, 70 miles x 12 months is 160 miles short of 1000.

Slave Boy: I’m building my stamina! Don’t rush me, I’ll get there. I’m shooting for 80 miles in February.

Boss Me: Right then. On to Number Two: You want to get that Master’s Degree. In January you were going to read 25 chapters or articles and complete a six page prospectus.

Slave Boy: Hey, did you hear that Heath Ledger and the Mormon President died within a couple days of each other? Doesn’t that sound suspicious?

Boss Me: Don’t change the subject. How’s the Master’s coming?

Slave Boy: Well, I did a lot of non-thesis stuff.

Boss Me: Really. Let’s hear it.

Slave Boy: I did get that Directed Readings in Science Fiction and Religion approved–isn’t that thrilling!? And I signed up for a seminar in Jewish Christianity.

Boss Me: But no thesis work.

Slave Boy: Task master!

Boss Me: You’re the Slave Boy. Well, let’s modify that last one. You’re still making progress towards the degree, you’re just focusing on course work this semester. February’s goals can be just staying on top of your assignments.

Slave Boy: Boss Me, you are truly wise and compassionate. Can I buy you (me?) a drink?

Boss Me: Not so fast. Number three has your writing goals: to write a page of fiction each day, submit one story to a competition each month, and to write and submit one non-fiction article each month. How’d that go?

Slave Boy: Crying. You’re cruel and merciless.

Boss Me: And you’re melodramatic.

Slave Boy: Sniffs disdainfully. Fine then. Look, I’m almost done with a story. It’s about 12 pages long. And I made a couple of writing buddies. Once every couple of weeks, we’re going to get shit-faced at a pub and then critique each others’ stories. Or maybe the other way around. Also, I met with the very nice Science Editor of the Orange County Register. He gave me all kinds of wonderful advice on journalism in this digital age. I have two pieces that I’m working on right now.

Boss Me: But you have nothing to show for this?

Slave Boy: Whiny. But it’s progress! I didn’t write anything last year–I’ve almost got one fiction story done this month. It has a cruel master who inflicts pain on a child in it. You would like it. Anyhow, let’s repeat those goals for this month.

Boss Me: Mmmm hmm. Got it. Next: read 100 books in 2008, and nine in January. What kind of insane masochist came up with these goals?

Slave Boy: Slaves like pain. Anyhow, I read six books this month, and reviewed four (Peter and the Starcatchers, The Tourmaline, Thirteen, The Last Colony). I’ll review Cory Doctorow’s Overclocked: Stories of the Future Present and Banana Yoshimoto’s Kitchen next week. See, I’m not the only one with a strange name!

Boss Me: I’ll give you that much. You aren’t worried about reaching your reading goal? Only 94 more books to go!

Slave Boy: Steepling fingers together, Mr. Burns style. Muhahahahaha. I’m combining my goals. The books I have to read for class this semester count towards my reading goal. By the way, put me down for nine books this month. Smithers.

Boss Me: Got it. Your last goal for January was to reach an average of 100 daily visits to this blog. How’d that go?

Slave Boy: Ooooh, we got that one! Last week’s daily average for the entire week was exactly 100 visits/day. We’re shooting for 150 in February.

Boss Me: Well, Slave Boy, you did all right this month.

Slave Boy: Tearing up. Do you really mean it?

Boss Me: Don’t give me that! There’s still a lot of work to do this year! And you’re already behind!

Slave Boy: Do you promise to spank me if I miss our targets?

End.