I would like to revisit this concept of love-as-suffering. I hope that those brought over by Spe Salvi come back (stick around?) for this.
On that thread, Bill says:
Too many people today want to think of love as emotion, love as a reciprical relationship, love as lust.
In fact the devil wants us cloudy about what real love is.
[...]
If you want to know what God thinks love really is, look at the Crufix. If you want to know how much we’re supposed to forgive others, look at the painful Crucifix.
I was reminded of this again, after letting it pass because I didn’t think I could be unsnide (I shall try), when listening to a blast from the past, Offspring’s Self Esteem:
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
…Right?
But what it reminded me of when I first heard it was my sisters’ responses to my moving in (sin) with my (now) husband. My favorite sister called to offer to cut off her pinky if that would keep me from doing it. She said she would do “anything” to keep me from it and offered to cut off and send me her pinky. The other sister (who believes that my parents are actually Protestants, despite what they might think, because they care too much about work) told me that, while she disapproved, she was glad that our parents had to deal with me, since they’d not experienced enough suffering in their lives.
Not profound expressions of love, me thinks. Now, I understand that love=suffering does not necessarily mean suffering=love, but surely driving nails through your own/your son’s wrists on behalf of your other children is also a strange way of expressing love.
As the saying goes, with friends like these, &c. I know that many traditions make allowances for the existence of suffering in the world in different ways and I also disagree with Buddhism’s life=suffering. I have suffered because of my loves: for my husband (as noted above), for my sisters, probably every one I’ve ever loved. But I endured the suffering because of my love; nor did I anticipate suffering due to love. Which is to say, given the opportunity to love again, I will love, whether suffering is part of the package or not.
Love is not lust, I concede that point to you readily (although we could go Greek and say that there is eros which is love and there is agape which is love), but love is an emotion. It is something you feel and have no control over. Perhaps one of the most primal of emotions (one can often learn to control anger). It is not rational, which stands at the other end of the scale from emotion. It may not be reciprocal (which is one of the proofs of its emotional state), but it can be, and is often sweeter when it is.
Sacrifice and suffering are part of existence. That they are also part of another part of existence is no great surprise. Sacrifice and suffering can be experienced not only in love but in eating, driving, sleeping, or any other activity humans participate in (even judo and skiing, those highest of activities). And certainly love is not synonymous with pleasure. But I simply have no concept of how love could possibly be suffering in any one’s mind. Or how they could continue life if that were the case.
