I recently found out that my dad has a Famous Person’s Disease. And of course, there’s a Normal Name for it, but no knows what it is (when he told me, I had no reaction because the Normal Name meant nothing to me). And every time I think of it, every time I have to explain to people that it’s really Famous Person’s Disease & not Normal Name, I think how unfair it is that my every though of my father at this time is clouded by this Famous Person, who I don’t really know all that well except that he (of course it’s a he) was Famous for having Normal Name. (Although I just found out, in researching it, that there is a more famous person who has had it.)
It’s like my father doesn’t belong to it, can never own it in the way that some women I have known own cancer, own chronic pain, and make it their own. For my own sake, I need to believe that my father can own it, rather than be owned by it.
Incidentally, although I’ve been beset by sobs that come unbidden from everything that reminds me of him (which is everything, although I cannot meditate because I can’t get my mind into that place, my “faith” in atheism as not been shaken. Consider me in a foxhole, bitches.
3 responses so far ↓
1 John // Dec 29, 2007 at 8:32 pm
I don’t see you on iChat, so I’m going to send you a virtual hug in the comments. I’m so sorry for you and your Dad and your family.
We’ll be traveling for the next couple of days, but I’ll look for you online when I can.
2 xJane // Dec 29, 2007 at 10:07 pm
3 Rich // Dec 31, 2007 at 8:18 pm
My 23 y.o. nephew just got diagnosed with cancer. Life certainly includes heartache along with the joy; I’m very sorry for your family John (my ex’s grandma died of the same disease if it’s what I think it is). Your family is in my prayers, FWIW.
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