Religion, SF, and Other Speculative Fictions.


Mind on Fire random header image
← What Constitutes a Spiritual Practice? Speaking of Faith →

Most Badass Bible Verses

Posted by xJane on November 28th, 2007 at 11:54 am · 6 Comments

I’d like to see a similar compilation of the Koran, but in the meantime, I shall leave you with this thought: instead of prayers in schools, we should have bears in schools. And let you find out for yourselves exactly which verse that describes.

hattip

del.icio.us:Most Badass Bible Verses digg:Most Badass Bible Verses furl:Most Badass Bible Verses reddit:Most Badass Bible Verses fark:Most Badass Bible Verses

Tags: Bible · Bible Study

6 responses so far ↓

  • 1 John // Nov 28, 2007 at 1:36 pm

    xJane, this is hilarious! I don’t even know where to begin:

    God listened carefully to their complaints, weighed their points, then made the earth eat them alive. The text does not make it clear whether or not the earth made that “OM NOM NOM” sound, so scholars are forced to speculate.

    And they even miss some great stories, like when the sons of Israel trick a tribal prince to circumcise all his men and then slaughter them “while they were still sore.”

    This makes me want to read the Bible again!

  • 2 Rich // Nov 28, 2007 at 4:38 pm

    I confess I nearly wet myself reading that! Too funny.

  • 3 amelia // Nov 28, 2007 at 8:17 pm

    ah, john. that’s one of my favorites. i was sad it wasn’t included, too. i can only imagine the hilarity that wong would have built out of that story.

  • 4 Rich // Nov 29, 2007 at 5:55 am

    He forgot another gem (and we don’t want to leave the ladies out of the fun):

    Judg. 4: 21-22
    21 Then Jael Heber’s wife took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died.
    22 And, behold, as Barak pursued Sisera, Jael came out to meet him, and said unto him, Come, and I will shew thee the man whom thou seekest. And when he came into her tent, behold, Sisera lay dead, and the nail was in his temples.

  • 5 Jeff // Nov 29, 2007 at 9:42 pm

    The Elisha story with the bears has always been one of my favorites. Of course, I’m a school teacher, so I thoroughly agreed with these sentiments:

    Christians are constantly asking for prayer in schools to help get today’s kids in line, but we beg to differ. We need bears in schools. If every teacher had the power to summon a pair of child-maiming grizzly avengers, you can bet that schoolchildren nowadays would be the most well-behaved, polite children, ever. It’s a simple choice: listen to the biology lesson, or get first-hand knowledge of the digestive system of Ursus horribilis.

    Ahh…life could be so much simpler!

  • 6 Ten, No, Make that Five Things Christians and Atheists Can Agree On | Mind on Fire. // Dec 16, 2007 at 10:16 pm

    […] same folks who brought you the bad-ass bible verses have posted a more serious article on the Ten Things Christians and Atheists Can (and Must) Agree […]

Leave a Comment