Question: is drinking tea considered effeminate in the U.S.? High tea and tea houses seem to cater to women (especially older women), and when I start talking about tea parties my guy friends start looking nervously towards the exit (not really, because now that I think about it, when I get together with my male friends it is generally over coffee).
It seems like there are different cultural contexts for tea as well. Boba Tea seems to be gender neutral, but race-specific (the shops in the LA area are mostly Taiwanese chains). Can you all think of any others? (Mat�, chai, Zen, etc.?)
0 responses so far ↓
1 xJane // Oct 13, 2007 at 9:41 am
hehe, all the ones I’ve been to are Japanese. But yes, still racially-oriented. When I go out for boba I often get aside glances, although it’s getting better. At the boba place closest to me, I’ve only rarely seen actual Asians.
You’ve raised an interesting question (that of the gender). While fabric shopping with a sister recently, we amused ourselves amongst the “tea rose” patterns. They were girly, “delicate”, and made me throw up in my mouth a little. She rejected most of them for her purpose because she didn’t think her husband would like them. But why they brought “tea” to mind for both of us I’m not really certain.
The (English) teacups that I’ve seen are often delicate, with swirling handles that are difficult to figure out how to hold without breaking; amazing examples of craftsmanship, surely, but not the kind of things you would expect to survive a round in the dishwasher. There are teapots that fit this description as well, but most of the teapots I’ve seen are sturdy, utilitarian, and only sometimes nice to look at. Gender-neutral, in other words. Green teacups, chai teacups, and other non-English teacups often are similarly sturdy & utilitarian. I actually enjoy the turn of a well-thrown, glazed, and fired Japanese tea cup more than the wispy porcelain “China” of an English teacup. But I’m buying into the feminization of the cup just as much as anyone.
I think this goes along our cultural ideal of women, of men, and of “gender neutral”. I believe I read about this in Girls Read Comics…and They’re Pissed, a blog about women in comics, so consider that a citation. Women, or the Feminine, is often thought to be weak, sexy, or fragile. The same words we might use to describe a teacup (okay, maybe not sexy to some, but on a cold warming, a steaming cup of tea is often what I wake up thinking about). Men are strong, emotionless, and independant. We can agree that these are cultural “norms” in the sense that many people wish they were the normal while of course ignoring the existence of any homosexual or transgendered individual to this mix. What is at issue is when we are shown something that is “gender neutral”. “Gender neutral” things are like our teapots & Asian teacups: sturdy, utilitarian, and non-offensive to the male “norm”. However, often this means they are completely antithetical to the female “norm”. A comic book written for “everyone” stars a man, or perhaps a boy. The same is true of a novel or of a movie. A comic book, novel, or movie staring a woman as the main character is immediately thought to be marketed toward women. Sometimes toward “chicks” (oh, how I hate thee, chicklit & chickflicks).
So then, the delicate teacups that are used at (English) tea parties would preclude the existence of men at said parties. But a (Japanese) tea ceremony would naturally be just as interesting to men as to women.
2 Matt Thurston // Oct 15, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Your title, “Tea and Sex,” is something of a misnomer. I clicked onto this post looking for something new to do with my wife… only to discover you used the word “sex” as synonymous with “gender” and not “intercourse.”
In any case, I’ll drink Tea with you… as long as we don’t call it a “Tea Party.” The last masculine Tea Party was held on December 16, 1773 in Boston. Since then, XY Tea Parties have been about as rare as male-only Grey’s Anatomy fan clubs.
3 johnr // Oct 15, 2007 at 9:13 pm
I thought about using gender, and I actually looked up ’sex’ in the Oxford English Dictionary. Definition 1a was:
Either of the two divisions of organic beings distinguished as male and female respectively.
Intercourse was actually 3c. Where are the priorities of these Oxford philologists?
I’ll try to come up with something to help with the sexuali-Tea for a future Tea post.
4 Jana // Oct 16, 2007 at 8:34 am
I have dainty teacups and I have mugs. The dainty teacups never get used. The mugs are well-used. In particular, I usually reach for a pottery mug with a pear picture on the side for my afternoon tea. It’s just the right size and tapers nicely from a narrow bottom to a wider top. It has a sturdy handle. It’s fallen several times and hasn’t broken. That’s my kind of teacup.
FWIW, I’m all for sex and tea. Or tea and sex. Both are good. Especially, IMO, when they are XY Tea Parties
5 JoeR // Oct 17, 2007 at 7:14 am
but then I remembered it’s just John.
I’m all for the English Teas! Give me my Caramel Roibos, triangle sandwiches with the crust cut off, and the deserts with crème fraîche. I especially liked this one shop in Sacramento that had not one duplicate cup or pot in the place.
I’ll drink from the dainty cups when at a tea party, but like Jana, give me a mug for normal every day usage. The tea capacity of a tea cup is usually not quite enough when no tea pots are available. But if I prepare sandwiches and tea for a tea party with friends, you know I’ll want to put out the dainties!
On a similar note, I’m constantly ribbed as being non-masculine for choosing to drink hard ciders over beer. I think it has to do with the fruit content, but cider is seen as a “girly” drink, where as beer is a seen as a real Man’s drink.
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