When I was in high school, if I wanted to do anything on a Sunday (missing church), I’d have to go to Saturday evening mass. Since the English Community only had one service a week, and since it was 50k away, I’d walk down to the local Catholic Church and sit in the way back (eventually it did occur to me that I didn’t have to go there, just be gone for the right general amount of time, but I still usually hung out around there). I found it much easier to tune out mass in German, so I often spent the hour or so thinking Deep Thoughts. One of the major Deep Thoughts was of chaos & order.

By this time in my spiritual life, I was quite well versed in Classical myths (Roman & Greek) and fairly well versed in other European (Norse & Irish) and some Shamanic traditions (Egyptian & American). I knew I wasn’t Catholic, but I didn’t really know what I was. Chaos, in the Greek myths, is how the universe began. Upon it, order was imposed & it became the Cosmos.

I always felt (and still feel), that Chaos still has quite a hold on the world in general. When sitting in the last possible pew, I would look at the orderly church: rows upon rows of pews set just the right amount apart. And then humanity would trickle in through the doors and seat themselves willy-nilly. Chaos imposing itself back upon Order.

I see this often when I look around. There is order. And there is Chaos. And they exist in less of a matter/anti-matter state, where one destroys the other, but in an almost agreeable discord. Like a violin with one string out of tune.

I love this. I love seeing order being swept away, covered, or dismembered by Chaos. Sometimes I think my life as too much order; although I never wish for Chaos, when it comes, it brings a necessary balance. Maybe it’s because I’m so anal retentive that the slightest disordered item stands out as though it’s neon, but I cannot abide a situation in which Chaos came only briefly.

I’m a dualist in many senses of that word, but it’s chaos and order that really bring it home to me.