Living in LA, by most counts a hotbed of liberalism, I often feel rather conservative. I’m married, heterosexual, and I’ve never been on TV, nor have I such a desire. But in the few days I spent this weekend in Oklahoma City, I feel very much the liberal.

In the “bar ‘n’ grille” in the airport that DH & I had dinner at when we arrived, I was “hon”ed by each person I talked to (”Anything else, hon?”) and was one of about 5 women in the whole restaurant/cafeteria area. I feel like everyone else must be at home cooking dinners for, or pining for the return of, the local chapter of the good ol’ boy’s club (currently sharing beers at the bar & various tables).

In the line to get our tickets, a small girl was proving to her dad how strong she was by lifting his bag (”Don’t do that,” he protested, “it must weigh as much as you!”). She was lifting with her legs, which I commented on & then said to her dad that he would soon have to buy her free weights (she looked like quite the little weight-lifter, although it was true that the duffel bag would have fit both her & her little brother). “Don’t want her to get too big,” he chuckled, “it’s okay that she’s got the tomboy in her, but she needs to be a little lady, too.” Which made me realize once again, that I was clearly in the wrong town.

That said, it’s a great place. Everyone’s so friendly! We ate out exclusively, going to all the places that people remembered from times past (half of DH’s father’s family grew up here & the rest visited often), and whenever ice water was poured or a plate placed in front of me, I always said, “Thank you,” which I try to do whenever I go out. But here! They say, “You’re welcome” back! When I commented on this to the New Yorker sitting next to me, he told be that this was simply because you were not supposed to acknowledge the waitstaff…which I disagree with, but regardless, it’s a very nice place to be. A little hot, tho.

We were in town for a funeral. And I’m sure I’ve said it before, but this family really knows how to do funerals (which is a good thing to excel at, since one is always going to need that kind of talent). We essentially went to all the restaurants in town & toasted her (we also stayed in her favorite hotel; restaurants & hotel were all part of her estate plans, which I thought was a great way of doing it). There was a brief ceremony in the Jewish graveyard (which made me wonder: did they want their own, or were they relegated to it because they were going to a different place…?), where some of her family is, which ended with each DH & his father (who officiated) doing a quick buddhist bow & all of the attendees walking up to scatter rose petals into the hole (I noticed one sign-of-the-cross). All in all, it was a very non-denomiational and, I felt, lovely ceremony. The restaurants (and one museum) made me feel that I got to know the woman, who I’d never met, better than I might have if I only knew her in the last 3 years of her life, when, by all counts, she was much different. My memory of her is colored by the newspaper articles, awards in her name & that she received, and of the love she inspired in so many people.

She was one of two women in an entering class of 100 in the medical school that she graduated from. She served in the Navy for a few years in WWII before going on to practice with a mentor. It was not, however, long before a friend of this mentor asked that she take over his practice. And she did. All that I know of her is that she was a strong woman & a trailblazer. I wish I had known her, but known her in the sense that all her family did.

As funerals often do, it got my husband & I thinking about what we wanted done. Funerals are for the living, so to some extent, I feel that the dead may not have much of a say in the process, but having something written down, agreed upon before hand, makes it easier on the living & may reduce the disputes & strife that may otherwise accompany a trying period. I’d like to do this week’s challenge early: think of your mortality. What do you want done? How would you like your earthly remains disposed of once you’ve been dispatched into the next existence? What do you want your friends & family to do in your honor, or to remember you? What’s your favorite funereal experience?