I’ve been musing recently about names. What’s in a name and all that. Long ago I heard the phrase, “there’s power in a name” and it rang so truly to me that I’ve believed it ever since. Recent reminders have cropped up reminding me of this. The title of this post, incidentally, is from Cats which explains that
The naming of cats is a difficult matter.
It isn’t just one of your holiday games.
You may think at first I’m as mad as a hatter
When I tell you a cat must have three diff’rent names!
It goes on to explain that there’s the name that the cat’s family calls it, the name it is known by among cats, and finally the name that is never spoken, the true name of the cat. I thought of this while reading a Wizard of Earthsea recently (there go all my geek points, I tried reading it when I was a kid & was totally un-into it). The Wizard is a wizard because he knows the true names of things and, so knowing, can command them. The wizard himself has three names: the name he was given by his mother, the name he is known by, and his true name. His acquisition of the true name also struck me:
On the day the boy was thirteen years old, […] Ogion returned to the village {…] and the ceremony of Passage was held. The witch took from the boy his name Duny, the name his mother had given him as a baby. Nameless and naked, he walked into the cold springs […and] crossed to the far bank. […] As he came to the bank Ogion, waiting, reached out his hand and clasping the boy’s arm whispered to him his true name: Ged.
Emphasis mine, but that’s my favorite bit. It makes so much sense to me that a person’s name would change upon becoming an adult. Names have such power, it would be a shame to travel through the whole of one’s life with only one name.
Even the naming of things has a power to it. In the Bible, Adam is told to name the creatures and, so doing, gains power over them. These days, the biggest naming that is done is when a child is born. Its parents claim power over it by naming it. Later, if the child is female and marries, her husband will claim power over her by changing her name. It seems such a shame to me that these are the only (common) changes of name.
With the internet, we have become able to change our names to some extent. You know me as Miko, but for a long time, I was known as xenocideJane, a name still particularly close to my heart. I often find that, when people meet me, it is difficult for them to reconcile my “legal” name with my internet name. My husband had this problem, when he met me, I was RegDkChutney, from Disney’s Robin Hood a name I was given by a brother and later affirmed by a neighbor. Maybe it’s my true name, that they both knew it without being told: Reginald (Duke of Chutney, in the movie, hence the SN). When my husband & I finally met in meat space, he expected a man; perhaps a Duke.
I’ve been called Mabel Cunnigund (my least favorite of names), George (also strange since all my sisters were “George” inutero; I wasn’t George until high school), and many others. My name has three different pronunciations (that I know of) and I will give the one most common to the person I’m speaking to (French, German, Latin) to the comfort of that person. I’ve never liked my middle name and desperately wanted to change it when I got married, but wasn’t allowed to. I still hope to change it through the courts, but haven’t gotten there yet. There’s the name I chose for my confirmation, a name I repeat to myself when I need to feel powerful, courageous, or strong. Changing my last name when I got married took me years to reconcile myself with. I at first wanted both of us to change our last names: to something new, to symbolize that we were something new. He was game, but his step-mother (who I still feel should have been our biggest supporter of it) objected. She changed her name so that they three could be a family; somehow, changing his name would take that from her. I researched the history of my husband’s name (even tho it was changed when his ancestor got to Ellis Island) and decided it had a power I could claim, even as I laid my father’s to the side. I was never invested in my father’s name and actually want to change my middle name to that of my mother (not her maiden name, since that’s just her dad’s).
When we got our cats, it took me months to name them. I liked the Shakespearean sound of “Mercutio” and wanted to find a female name to match. Alternately, I liked the Norwegian “Freya” and wanted a male name to match. Eventually, I decided that I couldn’t live with an Ophelia, a Lady MacBeth, or a even a Juliette; additionally, I wanted no part of Thor, Odin, or Loki. So our cats have mismatched names. But they seem to have taken on the characteristics of their namesakes. Mercutio steals the show; to the point where you want to kill him off. Freya is a flirt and a whore with her affections. I either chose well, or am lucky I didn’t end up with a trickster Loki or suicidal Ophelia on my hands.
In the fantasy series I’m reading, naming conventions are similar to those we know: father’s or husband’s name is taken. But for bastards, of which there are many, a name is taken from the area: Snow for bastards born to the kingdom of Winterfell, River for those from Riverrun, &c. A name from the land for those who have no name of their own, it was explained. It made me wonder what their children’s names might be, or if, by the time they are able to get children, they have made a name for themselves: Smith, Wright, or Baker.
I went to a baptism recently, where my friends were asked by their priest, “What name do you give this child?” And there, before their friends, their family, and their god, they gave him a name. As they did, I wondered what he might be known by, what he might wish his name was, and whether he might grow into it (and whether that would be good or not). He was named after his father; but, while his father was known by the first half of his name, the child was known by the second. My father was also a “Jr.”, known by a completely different name to his family. My husband’s grandfather and uncle have the same name, but one is known by his first & one by his middle. So which is the true name? The name we are called, our “legal” name, the name we want, or the name that gives us strength?
What are your naming stories? How did you name your children & pets? Do you wish you were known by different names? How did you come to chose the name you sign your posts with (directed more at the Sunflowers among us than the Elises)? Do you ever wish you could change it? What would you change it to (you needn’t give the name, just the explanation of your choice)? Do you have a different name for each site you post at? Each IM system you use? If you’re on Second Life, how did you come to chose your last name? What is your name in your dreams? In the stories you tell yourself? Who calls you what? Are there diminutives that annoy you? Diminutives you claim? Do you name your car, your computer, your iPod, your cell phone? If you stood before your god, would your name give you power to stand or make you humble before it? Do you believe that the naming of a thing gives you power over it? Do you believe that people will become the names they were given? If you found yourself at Ellis, or the mountains of the moon, would you rename yourself or lay claim to the heritage of your parents?
16 responses so far ↓
1 Elise // May 31, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Intriguing post, Miko! In Mormonism, adults receive a new name. While I knew this was an occurance familiar in the Bible, I really didn’t realize there were other cultures or stories of name changes out there.
My name came from the movie Somewhere In Time, which came out a couple of months before my birth, and in which Jane Seymour played Elise McKenna, who was Christopher Reeves (a 1980s man) love interest (Elise McKenna was a 1912 actress). He time-travelled to get to her. My parents would have named me Megan, but they saw the name Elise in the movie, re-wound it long enough to get the spelling of of the poster announcing a play that Elise McKenna stars in, and I became Elise instead of Megan. Watching the movie as a kid, I thought Elise McKenna the 1912 actress was classy and refined and successful and independent, and so I loved that I was named after her because I wanted to grow up to be all of those things, too.
I had a really hard time deciding what to do with my last name of birth (my dad’s name) when I got married. Originally I wasn’t going to change it at all, but then I kept going back and forth. I ended up changing it, then regretted the decision because I missed my old name so much and felt absolutely out of place using my husband’s name. I’ve since adopted my husband’s last name at work, because it’s easy and people remember me well, but everywhere else I use my full first name, maiden name, and married name. I don’t hyphenate the maiden-married name, I just have two last names. I don’t call my maiden name my middle name, either. Just two last names…..Legally and formally I am know by First Maiden Husband’s, informally and in passing I just use First Husband’s.
I love my first name, and it is my “identity” name. My last name simply relates me to another - be it my father or his father or my father’s mother or my husband, etc. My last name relates me to a group - my first name is all mine. If I were standing in front of my God, or if I were in the mountains of the moon, I would keep my first name as is. I wouldn’t be opposed to coming up with my own “last name,” though. One just for me, or maybe one taken from my maternal line instead of paternal. I’d love to have a last name that related me to the line of women that created me, rather than the line of men.
Given that line of thinking, if I can convince my husband, I’d love to give my name to a child someday - either in the form of giving a son my original last name as his middle name, or in the form of giving a daugher either my first or original last name as her middle name.
Whew! Sorry for the novel. Great topic!
2 Elaine Frei // May 31, 2007 at 5:17 pm
*giggle* I almost became Norma Jean. No, not because of Marilyn Monroe, but because my mother and one of my father’s sisters have the same first name and those are their middle names. I shudder to think what my name would have been if I had been a boy. The official story is that I would have been Mark George, but my dad had a great affection for the more, um, unusual Bibilcal men’s names, despite the fact that he wasn’t a visibly religious man. It could have gotten ugly.
Elaine is my middle name, and I’ve always used it, except for one year in elementary school, which I regretted almost immediately. I hate my first name (hence my refusal to disclose it here), and if someone calls me that, I’m likely to turn around and look to see who they are talking to. I don’t identify with that name at all. I’m quite happy with my middle name, anyway, mainly because there really aren’t that many of us.
I never really had any nicknames, but my parents have often called me Lainie as a dimunitive of Elaine. It’s another reason why I have avoided my first name…way too many unfortunate dimunitives for that one.
Most places on the internet, I’m known as littlemissattitude. I chose that name because I have often been told that I have “an attitude”, usually not as a compliment. I decided to own it. I like it because I feel like it gives me license to have an attitude when I feel like it, but when I don’t show much evidence of having an attitude it confuses people in a way that I find delightful.
3 John // Jun 1, 2007 at 6:44 am
Miko, sometimes I think I experience you as two people–an online version that I call ‘Miko’ and the meatspace you that I call by your given name. The line between them is blurred, but they are both brilliant, articulate and geeky.
I enjoyed reading Elaine and Elise’s experiences. There is something simultaneously public and intimate about names. Elise, I know a couple that created a new surname when they married–they symbolically created a new family unit, distinct from their families of origin when they married.
I agree that there is a power in naming (and labeling). I’m very conscious of that power, especially when I have the privilege of naming others: our children (with Jana), our kitties (as a family, with help from the cats themselves), the characters in my stories, etc.
As for my public persona, I avoid anonymity, even on the web. My blogging and writing are deliberate attempts to stop hiding, to remove the distinction between my public and private selves. I’ve always blogged under my real name. I use my full name, John Dewey Remy, for the byline on my print publications. It’s taken me years to like myself and my name, and embracing it publicly is meaningful to me.
I’m not sure why, but I don’t like using permutations of my name for logins (even though I usually display my ‘real’ name). ‘Geneticblend’ comes from a Rush lyric: “Each of us…genetic blends with uncertain ends on a fortune hunt that’s far too fleet.” My AIM username, ’seraphicarus’, came from a desperate attempt to find a combination of words that fit me while stubbornly refusing to some name + number combination.
The one exception to my non-anon rule is Second Life–at least for the moment. Although my online name is a permutation of my real name and a Second Life assigned name, it’s somewhat androgynous. Even though I feel conflicted about hiding my RL maleness, I am enjoying my virtual gender-bending experiment for the moment (stay tuned for a future post).
4 Jackie // Jun 1, 2007 at 6:07 pm
I agree that a name holds a lot of power. I actually stumbled across your page when looking for peoples experiences with changing first names as I am thinking of changing mine to my middle, which was my Grandmother’s name, Dominika.
I am from Fiji and being a namesake of someone is really important in Fijian culture. Because namesakes have the power to taunt you in a joking way, and basically you have to do whatever they tell you since they are older.
When your namesake dies you must return to the village and you are treated with honour. They have a parade and you must lead wearing special dress.
My grandmother died a few years back and I still have to return to Fiji for the parade, but apparently it will be one of the biggest since it is the grandmother of the family.
I’ve read Wizard of Earthsea, and reading your comment about it I’ve realised why I liked it so much - because of the emphasis on the power of names, and how this relates to my culture.
5 Miko // Jun 1, 2007 at 8:38 pm
Welcome, Jackie! Hope you stick around
The concept of a namesake is also interesting to see in different cultures. In some, it’s considered an honor to the older one to name a child after him/her. In others, you should only name a child after a dead ancestor, so it’s an offense if one is still living…
Elise: my husband’s middle name is his mom’s maiden name & the first time I heard it, I laughed & said, “no, really, what’s your middle name” because it didn’t sound like a first name to me & my experience was that people had two first-sounding names and one last-sounding name.
Elaine: now I’m super curious about what your first name is, but I won’t push it, I hate my middle, so I feel you
I think it’s really cool when I meet someone who goes by their middle name. It usually takes a while to find out, but when I do, it just seems…cool…unexpected & unique, I suppose, since most people go by their first names.
6 Bored in Vernal // Jun 3, 2007 at 4:50 pm
Miko, this is a fantastic post. I adore Wizard of Earthsea, and I too was fascinated by her treatment of names. This post especially resonates with Mormons due to their receiving a name in the Temple. I read your post before I went to my retreat this weekend, and I talked with several people about it. We ended up having some fabulous conversations about our feelings about our own names, and our reactions to our Temple names and the symbolism they held for us. I’m still thinking about this and I want to come back and talk some more about it later.
7 Miko // Jun 7, 2007 at 10:10 am
BiV: please do! (come back & talk some more about it)
At a recent dinner with a bunch of friends, I learned that a guy I’ve known for…jeeze almost a decade as “Jay” I just learned is named “James”. He got to go by “Jay” because he was “, III” and his mom thought it was already too difficult with a “Jim” and a “James” running around. That got us to talking about how most “, Jr.”s or “, III”s end up going by a different name than their first.
8 John White // Jun 7, 2007 at 1:33 pm
I had a college friend who was named “Trey,” which apparently is a standard nickname for “third” (which I didn’t know until much later).
9 John White // Jun 7, 2007 at 1:38 pm
And now that I think about it, my dad’s family calls him “Junie” (for junior).
10 Elaine Frei // Jun 7, 2007 at 8:47 pm
John White…your post about “Junie” reminds me that when I was a senior in high school I had friends whose father’s actual given first name was Junior. I always thought that was just kind of awful, like his parents ran out of names or something.
11 Miko // Jun 8, 2007 at 8:23 am
My mom went to school with twins whose names were the same. Their friends knew them as “Vicki” and “Tori” but at graduation, they called out their full names, Victoria Middle Last, with the exact same names. Talk about running out of names…
12 Dominika // Jun 18, 2007 at 12:35 am
Hi, I posted a blog previously under Jackie. I just wanna say thank-you, your words here have encouraged me to change my own name to Dominika.
So far it has been very good, my family has taken to the name change. I have changed it at my university and my bank. It is only my middle name so it is much more easier than changing my name altogether.
I found this website after looking for some inspiration to change my name. I only found one’s with company changes and last names, so I’ve decided to start my own.
If you’re interested, check it out at: http://jdw85.blogspot.com/
Again, thanks once again!
13 Miko // Jun 19, 2007 at 6:24 am
Out of curiosity why did you choose Dominika? I’m glad this site was a help to you. I’ve been thinking of changing my middle name, too
14 Miko // Jun 24, 2007 at 10:09 am
ninja names
15 John White // Jun 25, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Everyone goes on and on about how great Ask a Ninja is, but I can hardly get past the theme music.
16 Miko // Jun 25, 2007 at 1:50 pm
hit mute until the elapsed time meter says “0:12″; start with an omnibus, they’re the best; the others are sometimes hit-and-miss, but I think he’s really funny. Plus, ninjas are objectively cool.
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