This is a clever meme in which you ask to be interviewed by someone who is responding to someone else’s questions. I did it twice, once with Bored in Vernal, because I wanted to learn more about her, and once with PilgrimGirl, because I wanted to learn more about her (you can never learn enough about your life partner). You can also read Bored in Vernal’s and PilgrimGirl’s responses to their own interview questions as well.

First I’ll tackle BiV’s questions (BiV, thanks for the entertainment and the education in self-awareness!):

1. You are asked to teach a seminar at Harvard on the subject of your choice. What would the title of your seminar be, and what topics would you cover?

Oooooh–my academic wet dream! They’ve already turned me down twice, so the idea of being invited to teach there…well. I would like to teach a course on ritual and mysticism, with projects based on personal mystical experiments and participation in
rites intended to induce mystical states. The other seminar I’d love to teach would be an examination of recent technological change and its impact on the distribution of power in global society.

2. What is your favorite sport to watch and to play?

I’ll have to be honest–sports don’t rank very high in Remy priorities, but I’ll do my best to answer. I love watching almost any event in the Olympics, from figure skating to the marathon to judo. I can’t think of any venue that has quite as much drama. I’m not much of team sport guy–I played street hockey on a league for one season and loved that. I wouldn’t say that I enjoyed the two marathons I completed (I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I “ran” them), but I’m proud of the accomplishment.

3. You may give President Bush one piece of advice which he must implement before the end of his term. What advice would you give him?

Withdraw, in stages, the U.S. military from the Middle East. I can’t think of one thing that would better improve U.S. relations with everyone. It would also encourage us to reduce our dependence on foreign energy sources.

4. What is the most altruistic thing you have ever done?

This is a tough one. My self-image is that I’m incredibly selfish. I think I do unselfish things–I spontaneously took off my trenchcoat and draped it over a shivering homeless man in a Japanese train station, and I volunteer regularly in my kids’ classes. Generally, though, I engage in activities that are paradoxically self-centered and giving at the same time. When I blog, for example, I am motivated by a desire to lift my audience, but I realize that I want attention at the same time. I sacrificed family to join the LDS Church and serve a mission, but I think that that was my way of rebelling. I do lots of things for Jana and the kids, but they’re an extension of myself, and my happiness is entwined with theirs.

5. You seem to be a pretty romantic guy. Were you born that way, or do you work at it?

Both. I’ve always been pretty spontaneous–I’ve had to work to become dependable and predictable (giving flowers came easily to me, but doing the dishes less so). I think I’ve sacrificed some of the romance in exchange for becoming more consistent. Still, I’m a sucker for teen romance movies (I Capture the Castle is one of my favorites), we like to dream about living in Paris and Tokyo, I enjoy our four-poster, canopied bed as much as Jana does, and I take pride in giving her gifts and flowers when there is no occasion to celebrate.

Whew! Okay, on to Jana’s questions. My responses are shorter because my browser crashed after I finished responding (I saved after the first half). I still have a couple hours of reading for school tonight…

1. If you found a $100 bill in your wallet, what would you do with the money?

I would spend it on my lovely wife, of course! In all honesty, I just might. I would likely spend it on something completely frivolous that would ultimately benefit Jana, Steve Jobs, or a small brewery in Scotland.

2. What are the things your wife does that make you the most angry and why?

Um…besides cornering me with questions like this? I’m very territorial, and I get cranky when I sense intrusion on the little space, time and sleep that I conceive as my own. This is my failing, rather than Jana’s. I hope I’m better about it than when we were first married.

3. If you were God, would you eliminate cockroaches and lower back pain? If not, what would you eliminate from “your world”?

No, though I may inspire someone to invent a super-repellent for one and a cure for the other. I would definitely eliminate painful disease, sexual abuse, and slavers who force children to kill each other.

4. When was the last time you guffawed out loud? When was the last time you cried?

I’m not sure about guffawing, but I laughed heartily when we did the adult version of Apples to Apples a few months back. More recently, I’ve had some good laughs while kidding around with GameBoy and CatGirl (dorkily chuckling at my own jokes) and while watching Stephen Colbert on YouTube.

I cried was last week, when I saw this. The news makes me cry more than anything else.

5. If your blog audience suddenly swelled to hundreds of thousands of readers and you realized that your writing could have significant impact on public opinion, what topics would you make sure to write about frequently? And would you put ads on your site and quit your day job?

My other dream! (Now if I could blog for a living, teach at Harvard and live in Paris, I would feel fulfilled.) If I could blog for a living, I would do so without hesitation. I think the tone and topics would stay the same, but I would have the time and notoriety to engage people (maybe interview the authors we’re reading), tackle bigger projects (more pilgrimages!), and improve the quality of the content.

If you want to play along with this meme:

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.