12 responses so far ↓

• 1 Mark // Apr 25, 2007 at 1:20 pm

  This is a great exercise, the pay off is that you feel better the person you smile at feels better and that person will probably pass on the smile. There is a ripple effect!

• 2 nee // Apr 25, 2007 at 3:17 pm

  Oh, my. If this is a challenge to someone they clearly don’t live in and/or weren’t raised in the midwest or the south. To smile or nod when passing strangers is common practice in these parts.

  Additionally, the older you get, you find yourself prone to saying something as well… “hi”, “mornin’ “, “how ’bout them huskers” (that last one you’ll never hear out of my mouth, though). You’ll also find yourself making conversation in lines just about anywhere, another habit that increases in frequency with age and horrifies anyone under 20… who will find they grew up to do the exact same thing.

  When I used to travel often for work, most of my traveling was in the midwest (in which I’ve resided in 3 different states) and the south. I loved it because people were always friendly - and moreso in the south. My most unusual experience was going to New Hampshire where, if someone walked by me in the hall, eyed me with distrust if they eyed me at all until about my 3rd day there.

• 3 Bonny // Apr 25, 2007 at 4:04 pm

  Yeah, I have to agree with Miko regarding this being a really regular part of southern culture. On the Eastern shore of Maryland (which has a pretty southern feel) everyone always smiled at everyone.

  So pretty much the bottom line, is that I always smile at people all the time- or at least I smile at people a lot, and generally I feel it is received well.

  The worst experience I ever had smiling at someone was on the metro in Washington D.C. I smiled at a middle aged woman who had taken a seat, and before I knew it she was speaking to me in a very confrontational voice, telling me if that I wanted her seat to just say something or stop looking at her. The confrontation lasted longer than I would have liked, but it was definitely one-sided. She just yelled at me for a while, until I was in tears.

  Needless to say, I stopped smiling at people on the DC metro, and generally stopped smiling at people in D.C. in general. I just didn’t have a very smile-feel.

  The experience did not scar me for life- I still smile at a lot of strangers. But it is something I will never forget.

• 4 John // Apr 25, 2007 at 4:53 pm

  Between growing up in Japan and California, I can definitely say that smiling at strangers varies greatly according to cultural context. Nee and Bonny, I still am desperate to live on the East Coast. You will not dissuade me!
  Unselfconscious smiling comes pretty naturally to me as well, but I’m still eager to try the experiment. Remember that “smiling at a stranger” is the obvious and easy half of the challenge. The other is to reflect on it while in the midst of it–this may come harder to those of you for whom stranger-smiling is second nature. The trick is to smile while being aware of smiling at someone and to record your impressions. It’s as much a practice in mindfulness and awareness as human connection.

• 5 John // Apr 25, 2007 at 4:55 pm

  Mark, I agree that there is a strong pay-it-forward potential. I’ve had a week’s worth of deep funk abolished by the smile of a stranger.

• 6 Bored in Vernal // Apr 25, 2007 at 6:56 pm

  Dang, I went about the entire day and didn’t meet a stranger. (one of the hazards of living in Vernal, Utah.) Since we’ve only been here a year and a half, I’m sure I will meet one within the next few days. So I’ll keep looking.

• 7 Kullervo // Apr 26, 2007 at 5:20 am

  Yeah, this is a non-challenge. I prety much do it all the time. I guess it has something to do with growing up in… you guessed it; the South.

• 8 John // Apr 26, 2007 at 6:26 am

  Kullervo and others: it’s fascinating how culturally-bound smiling is, even in the U.S. Are some smiles at strangers more special than others? Do you feel a lift/connection with every one? Is it just habit? Are people in the South and Midwest happier and kinder than people in the cities? (perhaps just to strangers?)

  Bored: ironically, I rejected a couple of exercises because of Vernal-specific limitations (one involved climbing down a stairwell at least eight-stories high).

  Maybe this exercise requires a special trip to the one of Vernal’s fine diners on the main highway?

• 9 Bored in Vernal // Apr 26, 2007 at 8:19 am

  Lol!

• 10 nee // Apr 26, 2007 at 12:42 pm

  ” Are people in the South and Midwest happier and kinder than people in the cities? ”

  I’m talking about the cities of the midwest and south. If you’re out in the rural parts, not only do you smile at strangers and talk to them, if you’re driving you wave when passing other cars or walkers, strangers or not.

  Fwiw, I’ve found Denver and SLC to be very similar to the midwest in the friendliness factor.

  Move to the east coast. Just don’t go further north of NC. Besides, it costs a small fortune to live out there! oh, wait, I just remembered where you live… you’ve got to be used to that! ;P

  Happier? From what I heard on ABC this morning, Denmark has the happiest people in the world. The reason people hypothesized? Low expectations! rofl

• 11 Kullervo // Apr 26, 2007 at 4:20 pm

  No, I think people in the South are more fake about it. It’s a cultural expectation.

• 12 Miko // Apr 27, 2007 at 9:20 am

  heh. Yeah, I’m the non-smiling, distrustful type. Although, in Germany it was customary to mutter, “Gr?º?ü’ Gott” (the greetings of god) as you passed people or “Gr?º?ü’ di” (very informal greeting) if you knew them or were (obviously) older than them. I still haven’t done this, although I keep thinking I’m going to. I even went to the DMV (where better to smile?) but I was happy anyway (paid of my car, yay me!), so I don’t really think I can count that, since it wasn’t a purposeful smile.

  On The South: my sister went to school in New Orleans and for one of the breaks, went back home with a friend of hers. Not only did they leave their cars running & unlocked while they ran into the stores there, as her friend drove with my sister to her house, the friend’s mother started getting phone calls from all the people who saw them, asking who the new girl was. That, and BiV’s experience of not seeing any strangers, is a little creepy to me…but, I live in LA.

  I help people with stalled cars, does that count as a smile? I’ll try harder.

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