There have been a lot of apologies in the news recently and while I’m very glad that this particular sacrament is being observed by so many, I’m concerned about what it means. What I see is not contrition or even apology in some cases, what I see are people who are ashamed that they were caught.

When I was a kid, I did something to one of my sisters (what particular transgression it was has been lost in the mists of my memory) and I came to her and said, “I’m sorry.” Her response was that I should never say those words unless I mean them and that to truly mean them I must want to never do [whatever inspired the need for them] again. That really stuck with me. I certainly don’t claim to live this every day: I say “I’m sorry” probably more often than I breathe through my nose, but when it comes to apologizing, I tend to take it seriously. The trend I see in the news of public apology is very juvenile in nature. These are not the apologies of people who are contrite, the are the apologies of people who sincerely wish that they hadn’t said what they said in a place where they could be quoted.

Some examples:

In sports, a new commissioner for the NFL is doing his best to clean up the image of the league. Getting tough on transgressions has caused some to come out of the woodwork before he has a chance to reprimand them.

Mario Williams, who hopes to be drafted by a football team in Houston, apologized for speeding in his Lamborghini. While I salute his apology and hope that he means it, what else does one do in a sports car? I speed in my Jetta, but it’s way easier in my husband’s sporty little Saab. The car just begs to go faster. If I were in a Lamborghini, I’m sure I’d be speeding just as badly. (Bill Gates is apocryphally close to having his license taken away because he is known to speed in his well-known sports cars in Redmond.) When I got a ticket, I did not apologize to the judge. I didn’t really even claim that I would change my ways. I paid my fine. And I tried not to get caught the next time. An honest reponse from Williams might have been along the lines of “there was a girl I was trying to impress; can you believe it went so fast?; you would have done the same; or, I’m selling it and giving the money to orphans”. Keeping his extremely expensive sports car does not give much credence to his assertion that using it was “a stupid thing to do”.

When Tim Hardaway (okay, this was a little while ago) came out of the closet as a homophobe. His apology was a comment to society at large that we should be worrying about the war in Iraq more than his hatred. Not a great way to inspire hope that he might think of mending his ways, but let’s take his advice and turn to the war in Iraq.

In 2003, a lieutenant general described the war on terrorism as an extension of the ongoing holy war between Christians and Muslims, that God (capitalized here since we all know which particular god he was talking about) put Bush in the White House, and that at least one of his enemies worships and idol rather than a “real God”, among other things. His comments were, understandably, removed from the press-release and his apology came after a few days. The response of the Council on American Islamic Relations sums up my point:

This apology [is] appreciated, but the question is do we want a person with extremist views … in this position in the war on terror[?] If he continues to be there it sends a very negative message to the Muslim world.”

Another example of being caught, apologizing, but not really doing anything to solve the issue at hand.

More recently, General Pace joined Hardaway’s ranks, causing many gay advocates to call for an apology. What they got was an admission that he “regrets” what he said, since it was meant to be a description of what he believed and not what he thought policy should be. No wait, that is what he thinks policy should be, but he understands he’s not in a position to dicate that policy. Okay, he is in a position to dicate policy and…well, you can see how it gets confusing for a poor homophobe in an interview.

The Don Imus bruhaha (is that how it’s spelled?) reveals much more about the level of hate speech accepted by his listeners than about his actual contrition. It is not as if this is the first time he’s ever made racist or misogynistic remarks. It’s just the first time he’s made racist misogynistic remarks; actually, it’s probably not even the first time for that. It’s just that this time he managed to get noticed. Once it was noticed, people started distancing themselves because they know that it’s never good to be seen giving money to someone who’s just pissed off 51% of the country. And it worked, he got punished. Or at least, taken off the air (after first being taken off the internet). He even apologized! Not very well, if you ask me: “ill-conceived” is what you do when you’re drunk, not when you’re on national television (and used to being there). Representatives of the basketball team accepted it and noted that they were in the process of begining to forgive him. They were very gracious about the whole thing but again noted that

These comments are indicative of greater ills in our culture. [That hate speech is not limited to] Mr. Imus, and we hope that this will be and serve as a catalyst for change

I find it ironic that he was in the midst of raising money to benefit children with cancer. How many of them, I wonder are allowed to watch his show? How many of them want to grow up to emulate him? How many of them will?

I guess this drifted from my original rant on fake contrition, but now I want to ask you, oh loyal Mind on Fire readers, where is the line between hate speech and free speech? Clearly Imus is making enough money to give it away. And he’s not the only one.