This is inspired by John White’s brief synopsis.¬† Take one:
300 Spartans valiantly defend the narrow pass of Thermopylae against a million Persians in this gorgeously-filmed action-packed bloodfest.
In retrospect, this summary isn’t quite accurate. I hope you’ll bear with me as I ponder some of misgivings, and come up with a new review.
I wonder if it shouldn’t be called 4800, because the real stars of the movie are the 300 sets of six-pack abs and 300 pairs of rock-hard pectorals. No enemy could breach this formidable wall:
Of course, if you’ve seen the previews, you might wonder if the starring role isn’t played by Gerard Butler’s teeth:
Fortunately, The Teeth were only brought out in the most dire circumstances.
The other thing I noticed was how remarkably diverse the Persian empire was. Xerxes was the ultimate equal opportunity employer. The three emissaries sent to the Spartans represented Africa, the Arab world and East Asia. The Spartans weren’t very nice to them, however:
Apparently the Emperor Xerxes even extended employment the disabled:
This was in contrast to the Spartans, who avoided the nuisance of living with the disabled by flinging defective newborn babies off of cliffs. Fortunately, they at least allowed minorities into politics. It’s too bad that the sole Spartan with disabilities and the only darker-skinned politician both turned out to be vile traitors.
Women weren’t treated all that well, either. The frickin’ Queen of Sparta spent half the movie lobbying (and worse) just to get the chance to speak to an assembly of Spartan politicians:
At first I wondered why Xerxes was so progressive. Then it dawned on me–Xerxes was gay:
No wonder he understood the struggles of the oppressed! What’s more, he even went so far as to employ ninja orcs (thanks to Ryan H. for pointing that out), a cave troll, and Mumakil (those big elephants from the Lord of the Rings):
I was fearful for the Spartans because there was no Legolas to save them. I needn’t have worried, because Prince Faramir was with them:
One more thing: being ever alert to mentions and portrayals of spirituality, I discovered that 300 was a bit critical of religion (not that there’s anything wrong with that). King Leonides argues for reason against the corrupt, lustful priests (who, not only seem to be orcs, but also urge him to follow the gods and who put him in the 300 soldier bind) and the narrator (aka Faramir) rallies the Spartan troops against the “tyranny and mysticism of the Persians.” At least the oracle scene was a visual delight (like so much of the movie):
I think I’ve thought through this enough to qualify, ever so slightly, my one sentence summary/review:
300 white guys from a militarist eugenist sexist child-abusing society valiantly defend the narrow pass of Thermopylae against the progressive, racially, ethnically, ability and sexually diverse (albeit power-hungry) Persians in this gorgeously-filmed action-packed bloodfest.
12 responses so far ↓
1 Miko // Mar 9, 2007 at 6:56 pm
lol! now I really want to see it
2 pilgrimgirl // Mar 9, 2007 at 7:37 pm
So this is not at all my kind of movie. But I can comment a bit on the disabled-as-bad-guy thing. With few exceptions (can ya’ll come up with any?), disabled people in movies are bad. The exception being those few movies where they are dying in some heroic and noble way. Blech.
“Garden State,” is one of the few popular movies I can think of that portrays someone with a disability as a ‘normal’ person–not heroic and not malignant.
3 RyanH // Mar 10, 2007 at 1:04 am
Reading Ephialtes (the “disabled” character) as evil is not giving the character his due. He was actually the most practical, and sympathetic and “everyman/woman” characters of the whole film, I felt. I could go into detail, but that would involve spoileration on my part (Miko would be mighty upset, I’m sure!
).
4 Miko // Mar 10, 2007 at 8:45 am
lol! well, since I know the outcome, I doubt I’ll be too terribly surprised. And, unless Ju convinces me otherwise, I’ll prolly wait for it to come out on DVD & netflix it. Spoil away!
5 Miko // Mar 11, 2007 at 8:23 pm
now I’m seeing his teeth everywhere…
also! I checked out the graphic novel at a friend’s last night. If I ever read it all, I should go see the movie!
6 Joe // Mar 12, 2007 at 3:30 am
I have to say that while I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, and am all for freedom and the defense of democracy, some of the speeches sprinkled here and there rather sounded like American propaganda supporting our wars. I usually love the speeches given in war movies, but this one particularly stood out for me as being a bit fake. Maybe it was just my subconscious looking at the current world, remembering hearing that the Aeneid was commissioned as propaganda, and combining the two.
7 DrCruel // Mar 12, 2007 at 6:35 pm
Having the slave-holding, superstitious, brutally repressive and militaristic Spartans giving speeches in favour of “freedom” was hilarious. If King Leonidas was going to knock the Athenians, it’d be because of their liberal, “effeminate” notions about democracy (something for which the Spartans would have none of), and not their “love of boys” (a practice which actually happened to be very popular amongst Spartan males, who spent most of their adolescent and adult lives in the company of other men).
8 matio // Mar 13, 2007 at 1:23 am
i think there was no truth in this movie.coposeres must be aware from the hitorical events, but they only represent non-basic fables such as showing the Xerxes as a gay. unfortunatly personal opinions are very strong instead of principles.
9 Miko // Mar 14, 2007 at 11:00 am
I read somewhere that it was marketed to appeal to non-heterosexual-males due to the mostly-nakedness of the majority of the characters. But I think this says it much more eloquently. Now I really have to see it!
10 Elise // Mar 14, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Ssshhhhhhhhh!!! I’m trying to get my husband to see this movie with me this weekend - for the reason quoted above - but I need him to think it’s because of the plot, special effects, yada yada yada.
And John, I didn’t read past the line quoted above and won’t read any of the comments until after I see it. I’m sure I’ll enjoy the six packs and pectorals less if I’m thinking about your likely analytical and profound discussion of all the nitty gritty details…..I just want to see MUSCLE!
11 John // Mar 14, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Elise: Why Women Should Go See 300.
12 Kelsey // Mar 23, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Oh man, this movie was a republican wet dream. Full of incredibly blatant war rhetoric (”Freedom isn’t free”, “Protecting the free world against mysticism and tyranny” “Give your life for your country and liberty” etc etc) and featuring a hesitant, disapproving legislative, the movie reads like a straight allegory to a romanticism version of the Iraq war. The enemy soliders is black, Asian, or Middle-Eastern, and their effeminate evil God-King leader is startlingly homosexual. The multi-ethnic evils of the world are attacking one unemotional, honorable, principled, brave, relentless, persevering group of disgustingly muscled manly men. Women are compltely objectified (read: gratuitous lesbian kissing scene, the persistent soft moaning, the amount of nipple shots, ridiculous female Spartan costumes etc). And on a less ideological level, they had hokey slow motion and the two main characters had unfitting English or slight Scottish accents at times. TOTALLY OVER THE TOP. But of course, entertaining and visually stunning.
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