I seem to be making my way through emotions here, it wasn’t on purpose, I swear…
I was catching up on my podcasts today while sewing & the Secrets of Harry Potter’s Valentine’s Special came up. (both are iTunes links) Secrets of Harry Potter is one of the podcasts put out by the Catholic Insider. As far as I’m concerned, it’s worth listening to their podcasts just for the graphic… It’s a mythological discussion of the Harry Potter series. They also do similar discussions of Narnia, Star Wars, Pirates of the Carribean, & the Da Vinici Code. As a student of myth, I really enjoy this perspective on the myths of our time. I’d love to see them do X-Men. So I just listened to the HP podcast for Valentine’s Day (a little behind, here, on my podcasts, as you might have noted). The theme was, of course, love. And we go through the three Greek forms of love as evidenced in the HP books & movies: agape, eros, and philia.
I have problems with dividing love into these mutually exclusive categories. Perhaps this is because I’m a little more than a 0 on the Kinsey scale, but I find the agape/eros/philia categories as sliding scales. I’ve always felt that one can never love the same way twice and I still believe that, but after listening to the podcast (and therefore the definitions of each kind of love), I’m certain that it’s a combination of the three.
For example, I definately feel eros for my husband. But I don’t believe that should exclude feeling philia or agape for him. In addition, I have very good male friends (and some female) for whom my love is predominantly philia, but there is certainly some eros (and agape) mixed in. Finally (and here’s where I might really creep people out), I have cousins for whom my love is predominantly agape, with some eros & philia mixed in.
I guess my conclusion is that I don’t believe English is a lessor language for not having more than one word for love. I think that treating love as only one thing can make for a lessor conversation, but not having to define “love” in each instance it is used can be a great boon. Here’s to love, in all its forms.
4 responses so far ↓
1 Jonathan // Mar 7, 2007 at 7:42 am
I love this subject, so I thought I’d add my thoughts too! C.S. Lewis wrote about a forth love in addition to the others you mentioned in his book The Four Loves, called storgae. It’s the love of simple pleasures like an evening walk in autumn or sitting down to a cup of your favorite tea.
If you like this subject, you should read Plato’s The Symposium. When Socrates finally speaks, it’s amazing. If you have a copy, just skip to what Socrates says - its a 20 minute read. Totally amazing stuff to me anyway.
To cheaply paraphrase what I think both he (and C.S. Lewis) are saying is that all of the other 4 loves will be unsatisifying if continually indulged in. They all point to agape as being the most fullfilling. The ‘lesser’ loves are to be experienced, but not in a life-centric way. The other thing is that the other 3 are automatic and rooted in emotion, while agape is something this is an act of will (a choice). Interesting thinking, and I am probably butchering the logic - these other guys I’ve mentioned explain it much better.
2 Miko // Mar 7, 2007 at 9:43 am
Storgae! I love it!…hmm, not the best choice of words, perhaps. I remember this came up in a German class because the German word for love (Leibe) is much more a noun than a verb and cannot be used in such sentences as “I love pizza”. Which turned translating what we (high schoolers) wanted to say into an amazing convolution of meanings: “Pizza is my favorite food [optional: to eat while lounging in front of a TV with friends].” Since all that’s implied in the three English words. I don’t know if I have Symposium but I should. I’ll check it out
I’m interested in his proof that agape is the most fulfilling. I might be able to accept his position that eros is unfulfilling without proof given his belief system, but I’d like to know where philia and storgae lose fulfilment…
3 John White // Mar 13, 2007 at 12:16 pm
You idea of relationships being a mix of all these ideas in various scales really resonated with me.
4 Miko // Mar 14, 2007 at 10:54 am
Just ran across this interesting article on computers’ role in love. All kinds of love. And while I had a very interesting relationship with my prior computer, Jane, there was no eros involved.
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