The Saturday before Thanksgiving, our family went to an interfaith service event held at a nearby LDS chapel (the one I attended when I was first baptized, and where Jana and I first met, years ago). We were a little nervous that we might encounter our old bishop in the flesh. Our only communication with him had been through intermediaries and emails (besides his one official letter on Church stationary).
I went in with Jana and the kids, and tied quilts with CatGirl and her fellow Girl Scouts for over an hour. I got to talk feminist theory with Caroline, which is always fun, and revealed to a member that we had left the Church. It was a difficult revelation to make–I wanted to be honest without killing the conversation. His response was very respectful, and if he runs across this, I wanted him to know how much I appreciated his thoughtful comments. Thank you.
I needed to get some studying done, so took my leave of Jana and the kids. I was hoping to escape without incident and walk over to Kean Coffee. I’m not a big coffee drinker, but I allow myself one or two trips to Kean’s each month. It’s really the only coffee worth drinking in central OC, and if you’re lucky Martin Dietrich himself will serve you (I was lucky). If you don’t partake of caffeine, they make a great lavender steamed milk.
I did not make a clean getaway. As I slipped out the back, I ran straight into the bishop. I acknowledged how rocky our communications had been and he led me off to the side (where Jana and I had had our wedding reception). I’m not sure how he felt about the conversation, but my impression was that we agreed to disagree and called a truce. I reassured him that we did not leave because of any offense, and that he, of all people, had not offended us. He repeated several times that we were always welcome–that the doors were always open to us.
The part I remember most is that he questioned the validity of my past spiritual experiences. I can understand this reasoning. From the perspective of many Mormons, the loss of my conviction is best explained by: a) sin, b) my not having had a ‘true’ confirmation, c) succumbing to pride and deception. I responded that I continue to have powerful spiritual experiences, and that they do not confirm the validity of the LDS Church.
All-in-all, it was a civil exchange. It helped to bring both closure and a sense that we would be given our space. I can look forward to visiting now.
Afterwards, we sped (in SoCal: sped=not stop and go) up to LA to join Miko’s St. Martin’s Day celebration for a glorious afternoon of feasting, conversing, gaming, and lounging. A day well spent.
6 responses so far ↓
1 nee // Nov 30, 2006 at 7:14 am
I can so relate to some things you say about this whole process of leaving. The thing with your bishop, it is great you are understanding of his questioning of the spiritual.
I don’t think I would have been understanding of people walking away in the past until I went through it myself. I’m sure I would have thought if someone “lost” their testimony, they moved further from the Spirit. I’m posting my experience with the discussionsa and baptism later today. I don’t regret what I felt at that time, however I see it differently now and have felt the same things in other circumstances.
John, I’m grateful that you post the things about this process that you do. You’re not alooooone. (cue the Michael McLean music again!)
2 Elise // Nov 30, 2006 at 9:22 am
It sounds like things are going well - congratulations on expressing yourself personally to your bishop. I’ve found most LDS members to generally respect other members’ doubts and falling aways and personal spirituality, as long as no one is put “on the defense”. I.e., you respect me and I’ll repsect you. Be nice to me as you challenge my beleif and I’ll be nice to you as I challenge your belief, etc.
BTW, I’m curious about the interfaith service - what was it, exactly? Do they have one on a regular basis? Sounds like an excellent way to attend a service with LDS and non-LDS family members, where every one would feel comfortable.
3 Chris Rusch // Nov 30, 2006 at 12:36 pm
The interfaith service Idea sounds like a good idea. How did it all work? What did they talk about? Was there traditional Sacrament meeting music or was there other music? Did people who were LDS speak, or were there people from other faiths who spoke if in fact there was speaking?
4 Dave Sigmann // Nov 30, 2006 at 3:36 pm
Thank you for sharing this.
5 nee // Nov 30, 2006 at 3:46 pm
Chris, I got the impression it was a service project (hence the quilt tying), not religious service a la sacrament meeting.
6 amelia // Nov 30, 2006 at 5:18 pm
john is referencing a local service project called hearts & hands. i don’t know exactly who spearheaded it to begin with, but i know our stake public affairs people have been involved from the beginning. the lds church hosts it in one of the local buildings. each ward in the stake sponsors at least one project. and other congregations and community organizations participate, either sponsoring projects or simply coming to help complete the projects. it’s been very successful, both in terms of the service done and the opportunity to foster interfaith interaction in the religious community in the area.
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