Mormonism is the dysfunctional family that I was adopted into. My family of origin is Skepticism, and is broad enough to include the deistic, agnostic and atheist varieties.

Thinking of my relationship to religion in these terms helps me to deal with it better, I think. When I think of Mormonism purely in institutional or doctrinal terms, I am tempted to reject it completely. My skepticism is too deeply ingrained for me to be able to accept it completely (or to pretend to do so) while maintaining some degree of integrity.

The problem is, I value the people who cherish it (esp. my friends and family), the community, many aspects of its culture, and even my troubled association with it. Mormonism is a tangled web of belief, ritual, institutions, tradition, ethics, myth, metaphor, doctrine, symbolism, culture, practices, relationships, family, language. I’d like to think that I can pick and choose, and not reject or accept it all as one package.

So I can think of the Mormon hierarchy as a generally benevolent but sometime emotionally abusive parent. I am the grown child who was brought up in this environment. I can be critical of, and angry at, the maltreatment while still realizing that there is genuine warmth and compassion there as well. I don’t have to agree with all that the parent teaches and practices. I can recognize where its ideals and implementation are in conflict and talk about it.

Like a parent in a dysfunctional relationship, I don’t think that Mormonism is going to change anytime soon. But I have a right to be angry about my past treatment, to feel betrayed. I recognize that other children may feel satisfied in the same family. But I can grieve and heal and help others, those who do feel loss, to go through the same process. Maybe this is my calling–to be a social worker, a therapist for those in dysfunctional religious relationships, religious codependents, the religiously abused?