i’ve been lying awake for the past 45 minutes thinking. it seems very natural for me to transform my introspection into a mindonfire post… why is that the boundary between private and public thoughts are blurred for me? is it simply because ego + web = blog?

i have decided that i am an intense person. i throw myself wholeheartedly into projects, learning, even people. i’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing. i have noticed, however, that the people i admire most (lost my train of thought here–putting the words “admire” and “most” together automatically brings up the lyrics to don maclean’s american pie: “and the three men i admire most, the father, son, and holy ghost, they took the last train for the coast, the day the music died”)… sorry, the people i respect or look to as examples are capable of sustained intensity. my passions have a tendency to flare up brilliantly and then die down again after a short period, while others are capable of pursuing their interests with passion and perseverence over years, decades, even a lifetime. they are like the phosphorous flare or halogen bulb to my 4th of july handheld sparkler.

i think i am changing. i have seen the rewards of sustained intensity from friends like aaron and richard. by watching these people, i can see the direct correlation between long-term focus and the rewards they reap in terms of knowledge, skills, and accomplishment. aaron is one of the best web developers in the industry, and i’ve watched richard churn out more academic publications per year as a phd candidate than most professors i know. these men are intense and are committed in the pursuit of their passions. (i can picture aaron protesting here–sorry to use you as an example

being a father has taught me a lot about commitment, and jana has taught me volumes on this subject as well. with her to look after me, i feel that there is hope::